byrneunit

I rarely know what you’re talking about.

Lost: One (1) weekend. Reward.

dear sweet heavenly merciful crap. I’d say I’m amazed I survived this weekend, but frankly I’m more amazed that Jimmy Jam both lived and somehow, improbably, impossibly, was not arrested. Like, repeatedly and forcefully, with much jailhouse brutality.
To start: Damn, what a lovely wedding. Dr. Voltron and Shaniqua worked their asses off (mostly Shaniqua’s ass [...]

Oh, liver.

Survived night one of Dr. Voltron’s preunptial booze-a-thon. I kept thinking it seemed pretty mild, but all of a sudden I got the “If I take even one more sip of beer I’m gonna blow chunks on the person across the table from me” feeling. But then the lights came up, and everybody got thrown [...]

Dr. Voltron’s Day of Reckoning

This evening marks the descent of nearly everybody I know into several days of extremely heavy drinking; if this is the last time I post, I won’t be that surprised. For Saturday marks the technical legal union of my longtime homey Dr. Voltron and his patient lady, Shaniqua. They’ve been going out/living together for six [...]

Thoughts on “America’s Next Top Model”

First of all, these girls are idiots. Second of all, see first thing.
There’s one girl who’s really cute, but she’s like way, way, way too skinny, though I’m pretty sure that’s not considered a liability in the fashion industry. And so, like, the entire episode these other girls WILL NOT SHUT UP about how they’re [...]

Day Kicks Ass of Local Man

TULSA — In a development that surprised approximately no one, Monday, June 23, 2003, has now declared utter victory over area resident Megalodon*, officials declared this afternoon. Mr. -odon had previously made statments declaring that quite the opposite would happen, and was not available for comment at press time.
“I appreciate a good fight,” said Monday [...]

Gonna kick this day’s ass!

Today’s gonna be a good one. I’m gonna actually accomplish things today, rather than just checking every ten seconds to see if anybody’s updated their freakin’ blogs. True story. Seriously.
Even though it’s 10:30 and I just finished eating breakfast at my desk.

Foxxy Boxing Gone Wild

There was much hilarity last night. It kind of spiraled out of control after starting innocently enough. Darleece & I went out earlyish to celebrate, belatedly, our 2nd anniversary, which according to tradition is the bottlecap and pigeon feather anniversary. After exchanging the necessary crazy bum currency, we hit Camerelli’s for dinner and drinks. I [...]

I get to be Optimus Prime

So I’ve decided that everybody I know needs code names for this eminently useful blog. A la Jimmy Jam, below. Not necessarily because their identities need protecting that much, but because code names freakin’ rule.
So. My friend Sarah shall hereinafter be referred to as … Agent Foxxy Boxing. My wife, Erin, shall be … Chesty [...]

Jimmy Jam’s Midget Debacle

My friend Jimmy Jam has been having a rough time of it. As of yesterday, he’s now paid for the same MG Midget a total of, like, nine times. If you’re familiar with MGs and the strange love some people have for them, you might not be surprised to know that some people here [...]

Ahem.

“Life is a God-damned, stinking, treacherous game and nine hundred and ninety-nine men out of a thousand are bastards.”
– Theodore Dreiser, quoting an unnamed newspaper editor
I love the coffee shop. If I won the lottery, or was otherwise independently wealthy — okay, so if I won the lottery, I’m pretty sure I’d spend most of [...]