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What Kind of Hoofed Mammal Would You Be?
By briantologist | July 30, 2003
In the course of sorting through the crap that was in my old room at my parents’ house (see prev. entry), I’ve discovered, among other personal treasures, several “Anti-Coloring Books.” If you’re not familiar with the Anti-Coloring Book, allow me to elaborate: The premise on which these activity books for kids is that young minds will be more “stimulated” if you encourage them to draw their own pictures, rather than “color in” pre-printed pictures. These books were conceived by “hippies.”
So it’s full of pages with entries like, “You’re commanding a mission to space. What is your objective?”, and on the page is, say, an early ’70s spaceship and a big blank field for you to draw in. You’ll get something like that, and then the next page will have something like, “Here’s a picture of the ugliest kid in the world!” and “It’s an ugly dog contest! Draw the winner!” and “Hey kid! You sure are ugly!”
Okay, that last one’s made up, but seriously, there’s a noticable trend toward drawing ugly people, places, and things in the Anti-Coloring Book.
Plus, after leafing through the mostly uncompleted pages, it appears my sister Jenny and I had some kind of Anti-Coloring Book feud going on, as evidenced by entries like the one that says “Imagine your dream machine!” that’s filled in with something called a “Brian Remover,” and another asking for your ultimate fantasy, the culmination of which is a pest control truck arriving to remove me. For my own part of our lamely vicious anti-each other sentiments, the best I had to offer, in response to the suggestion, “Make up your own big lie,” was “Jenny is smart.”
I had kind of a long streak of sister-bashing after that entry, but rereading it I have a hunch I was coming back at her with her own material, only watered down, and really just should’ve come up with a better angle. In my defense, Jenny’s three years older than I am, and thus was way better at ragging on people at the time.
Finally, perhaps the finest offering of all is an entry that demands to know “What important things would you like to talk about with your parents?” The drawing is of some kid sitting there with his crudely drawn parents and a giant speech bubble for the anti-colorer to draw in. In this bubble, I’ve simply drawn a giant Autobot insignia, from the Transformers, suggesting that at least somebody in the house had their priorities straight.
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