byrneunit

I rarely know what you’re talking about.

Changing Wombs

In light of recent events many people are coming to me with long faces and quasi-uncomfortable pats on the back. And honestly, who can blame them? What DO you say to a girl that lost a baby? If you figure it out, please let me know because I can use all the help I can [...]

Securely Yours

Once a good friend of mine pointed out that after an abortion, girls don’t want fast food. “Found THAT out…” I recently learned that after a miscarriage, girls do want chili cheese tater tots from Sonic.
It’s always jarring when your body betrays you. Each day we wake up fully secure in what our body [...]

Choose Only a Date …

From “How To Be Popular: You’re Never Too Young or Too Old,” a pamphlet by Abigail Van Buren:
“I don’t recommend bars and cocktail lounges as places for respectable men and women to find a lasting relationship.”
This, then, leads immediately to the question, “Am I really looking for a respectable man or woman?”
Clearly, the answer is [...]

Just Keeps Happening

Sometimes I think if I could spend eternity playing a neverending version of “Eurotrash Girl” by Cracker with some house band, in some Cain’s Ballroom-sized venue, with a bunch of sweaty people kind of swaying, tired and happy, but rocking out still, forever and ever with the languid quiet parts back-to-back with the loud parts, [...]

Seriously…

I just really haven’t had much to say. We got back from vacation. It rocked and I got the coolest red pants I’ve ever seen and if you see me in them, then I’m the coolest chick I’ve ever seen. I started at a new shrink. Let’s all keep our fingers crossed for my mental [...]

First you take it on the run. Then, you take it on the run.

The road to physical fitness isn’t always a smooth one. Those silly machines at the gym are always sweaty, not to mention confusing. Since I came to Portland and unexpectedly found myself well on the way to buffitude, I’ve been searching for alternate methods of exercise. Well, I think I’ve found a winner. Our gracious [...]

Put another nickel in the nickelodeon

So here we are in the Rose City. The hostmanship is top notch, the drinksmanship is through the roof, but perhaps you dear readers are growing tired of my many drunken stories, so I’ll regale you with a tale of what may be the most physical activity I’ve logged this year.
After eating a superb [...]

Land o’ the Port

Who’s stoked? Run’s stoked. Who’s Run in this case? I’m Run. RUNNIN’ OFF ON VACATION!
- cough. -
Anyway. Darleece and I are off to the magical land of Portland. I’m not saying whether we’re going to Portland, Oregon or Portland, Maine, because I’m pretty fucking certain there’s no reason for me to go to Portland, Maine, [...]

Dumb is in the air …

Finally, a concrete explanation as to why I’m constantly tuning up my car and ignoring my wife.
If there’s one thing more helpful to relationships worldwide, it’s pigeonholing both sexes into lists of easily categorized traits. Okay, okay, I know it’s good for people who walk around with their eyes glued shut and stopped thinking at [...]

Shady Aces

So I went and read to the old people today. Since I tell the stories to the little kids I volunteered to read stories to the old folks at the Baptist Village. Strange place. Very noisy, lots of wheelchair shuffling. I took my seat in the main common room and immediately a polydactylic kittie jumped [...]

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