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Changing Wombs
By ELB | October 30, 2003
In light of recent events many people are coming to me with long faces and quasi-uncomfortable pats on the back. And honestly, who can blame them? What DO you say to a girl that lost a baby? If you figure it out, please let me know because I can use all the help I can get. Anyway, in order to put my friends at ease I’ve decided to throw a little shindig I like to call “Let’s Laugh in the Face of Crushing Depression” or simply A Miscarriage Party.
What goes on at one of these questionably tasteful events? I’m glad you asked. First we start with your choice of bloody marys or abortion shots, natch. Once we get a few in us, it’ll be time to bring the serious fun. Pin the Umbilicus on the Fetus, bobbing for zygotes, and my favorite, cracker whistle. There will be a magnificent buffet featuring such delicacies as red Jell-O with tiny gummi babies suspended in it and a sort of placenta gazpacho just like my Oma made in the old country. When it’s time to go home I’ll give my guests precious party favor bags containing prescription strength painkillers and an assortment of feminine napkin related products.
I’m assuming that this party will be such a crashing success that I can start franchising it out like those stupid Pampered Chef parties. Our representatives can come to your home, office, or place of worship and they’ll work closely with you to make sure that each party has that personal touch. Is this your fourth or fifth trip down Spontaneous Abortion Lane? Why don’t we play seven minutes with a speculum? Did you sustain a life threatening infection? Then we should totally serve the Dilate and Crudetet Platter! It’ll be just like those days back at the sorority house.
Topics: Uncategorized | 1 Comment »
September 24th, 2004 at 12:18 pm
Harsh.