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Busted
By briantologist | February 24, 2004
Manomanoman, have I ever got the “The Wife and I Get Paid Monthly and We’re Both Broke-Ass Briggity Broke Broke” blues. It’s nothing like the lonesome lovesick blues, in that it actually requires that you not be very lonesome (cuzza the wife part) and at least not lovesick enough to still be married (see the aforementioned wife part).
Here’s how broke I am: When I got off work and went to the student union to play my traditional End-of-workday game of Mr. Driller, I had to wait for a cashier so I could trade in my last three dimes for a solid quarter and a nickel. I guess that isn’t so out of the ordinary, except this time there ain’t a damn thing left in the bank to go back to. Not a thang.
Usually this is the time of the month when I say something like “Well, I suppose it’s time for the friendly folks at American Express to take us out to dinner! For the next four nights!” Which, admittedly, is a swell feeling for a while. But I’ve come to realize, after a scant decade of learning time, that the serious problem with credit cards is their staunch refusal to pay themselves off. The fuckers. So I’m sticking to the high road from now on, which feels great, morally speaking. Not so much on a dietary level, though.
On the plus side, I was pleased to discover, while rummaging through our cabinet-level cabinet, the makings for about a day and a half’s worth of tuna salad. I was concerned at the mayonnaise’s age at first, as I believe this current jar joined us before the twin towers fell. But y’know, I keep taking the lid off and sniffing, and it keeps just smelling like mayonnaise, not particularly rotten or anything, so sandwich makin’s, here I come.
Also on the plus side, Darleece used her last pack of pennies to buy a bottle of wine to accompany “America’s Next Top Model 2″ tonight, and if you’re worried that I almost wept tears of joy at hearing this, you’re missing the point, I think.
Don’t worry about us. Love and body fat will keep us alive.
Topics: good times., Laments | 1 Comment »
March 13th, 2004 at 11:23 am
greg, bitch @ 7:42PM | February 24th 2004| permalink
I’ve recently reunited with my first love, Ramen Noodles, and decided that we broke up for all the wrong reasons. Yeah, people gave us funny looks when we’re together, but fuck them! I love Ramen noodles and there’s nothing society can do (short of amending the constitution) to keep us apart.
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The Cheat @ 1:26PM | February 25th 2004| permalink
I could not agree more with the broke ass blues. A great thing to have at this time is an aunt with a Sams card. Not because you go and buy shit, but because you go and get free samples of everything. Dinner out anyone?
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Sarah @ 4:20PM | February 25th 2004| permalink
I bet Pam and Dale Brown would gladly make you some super sandwiches.
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Da Cheat @ 5:08PM | February 25th 2004| permalink
Yeah…. and if a frog had wings, he wouldn’t bump his ass when he hops!!!!!
That in no way was meant in a mean way to your parents at all. It just felt like the right time to throw that out there.
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k @ 7:36PM | February 25th 2004| permalink
I’m riding right next to you on the train in third class with the livestock, but I missed ANTM!
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mega lo mart @ 9:33AM | February 26th 2004| permalink
Fear not, K; I believe they rebroadcast ANTM on Thursday evenings. If you miss it again, I’ll tell you how it ended.
Man, gregger, let me tell you: I keep wondering why in the world I don’t have a stash of Ramen in the cabinet. When I get paid, I’m buying a metric ton of the shit. Come to think of it, today’s officially the day I can start floating checks …
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greg, bitch @ 2:59PM | February 26th 2004| permalink
Don’t buy Ramen because you need it. Buy it because you *want* it. Ramen Noodles deserve better than to be treated like a culinary whore.
And if you can find the Asian kind that have the little oil packet, then you’re even better off.
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Erin Lady Byrne @ 5:51PM | February 26th 2004| permalink
Sorry Gregger, my heart belongs to the packet of chickny salt that gives Ramen it’s brackish tang.
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