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Flexxxology
By briantologist | April 25, 2004
Okay, seriously, it’s time to start going to the gym.
I’m approaching a full return to my high school fat kid weight, and even though I’m tall enough that a few extra pounds on me aren’t jarring, I sure as fuck notice, and perhaps more critically, my pants tend to notice these things as well. I’m gradually running out of wearable jeans, and when my sainted mother-in-law visited today and took Darleece and me to the Gap for a post-Darleece’s birthday shopping spree, and told me to pick out a couple of pairs of jeans, and I had to breathe way in to pull on a pair of 38s, and that’s not even counting the pair of khakis I couldn’t even get into, well, friends, there’s a time and place for everything, and this is the time and place for me to make a concerted effort to stop being such a fucking fatass.
We’ve got the Y membership taken care of. We just haven’t been, how you say, “using” said membership. I say “we” because it’s a membership for both of us, and though I know my own workout habits are the issue here, and should have nothing to do with The Wife’s, the fact is that it makes it a lot easier to get motivated when there are two of you involved. If nothing else, it means I might not have to drive to the gym.
I liked walking to work as a foundation for the whole regime. But here’s where I had problems: For one, it’s a significant chunk of time, about a half hour each way. For another, as you may note from recent posts, weather has become a more pressing issue as of late, and though I’ve got an umbrella, see how you’re feeling after trying to wrangle one in gusty winds for two miles. And for a final one, it’s not gonna get any cooler out there, trust me on this one. I like walking, and I think I’ll do it from time to time, but in hindsight, I’m pretty sure the whole thing was an elaborate plan by me to keep me distracted from the real problem, which is that apparently it’s going to take some kind of concerted effort on my part to shed these extra pounds, and the friends they brought with them. Dammit.
On the plus side, sometimes it’s fun to picture the new, cut version of me, as I flex gratuitously while making mundane motions. “The student union? It’s over (flex & point) there.“
Topics: Reflections From the Bottom Rung | 6 Comments »
April 26th, 2004 at 4:16 pm
Calories in, vs. calories out. You need to burn 3500 calories in a week more than you take in to lose 1 lbs. Figure if your current diet and exercise regime (or lack of) has you putting on 1 lbs ever 2 weeks, then you need to ramp up and burn off 1750 calories a week, just to break even.
The easiest thing for a lot of people to do, is just work it into the routine. Every day, after work, spend 15-20 lifting, and 20-30 on cardio. Every work day, no matter what.
I also highly suggest measuring yourself around the middle, arms, neck, thigh, and weight, and checking it ever two weeks so you can keep motivated. Because if you’re like me, you can get all motivated or 2-3 weeks, and then start drinking beer and sitting on the couch again.
Anyway, maybe this is unwanted/unneeded advice, so feel free to tell me to shut up, but if you have more questions, I’m always available, but you can get the same info I’m reguritating by reading Men’s Health via the web and the magazine, and talking to the trainers at the gym =)
April 26th, 2004 at 5:08 pm
Wow, that’s super helpful. But what if you hate the treadmill AND the bike AND the elliptical thingy?
You’re now my exercise guru. I know there is no crying in your dojo.
April 26th, 2004 at 7:47 pm
What about a jumprope, lots of people loved jumpropes as kids, maybe you can love it again? Jumprope works out well for me because it’s pretty easy to see my progress. When I started, I was lucky to jump 25 times in a row, now I can jump for a couple hundred.
Some people like to sign up for cycling classes with an instructor, or step, or some other form of aerobics, but I don’t like the idea of moving along with the rest of those retards, but that could be because they always want to talk to you afterwards and I’m antisocial.
Or maybe bring a book and read while on a bike or elliptical thingy? It may cut into doing as much work as you could, but it’s better than sitting. In our gym, there’s TVs you can watch, and if you bring a headset you can watch what ever is on with sound, the problem being it’s news, news, crappy TV, and more news, but that could just be the hours I tend to be there.
Or does the gym have racquetball? If you’ve never played a racket sport it might start off as frustration incarnate, but actually *doing* something takes the boredom out of most exercise.
Hope this helps!
April 26th, 2004 at 11:04 pm
Dude, call Dale Brown. He runs at the river every day after work and when you finish your first mile, he sings the Rocky theme!
April 27th, 2004 at 8:52 am
Sarahbrown, seriously, if I could run more than forty feet without my hips popping out of their sockets, I’d totally be there.
Damn, UN, you’re a veritable cornucopia of useful advice! Thanks for the tips. I’ve never been able to jump rope, no matter how many times young me tried in young gym class. It’s always been a source of vague humiliation.
Last night I skipped the bike and did the treadmill instead, and I was pleasantly surprised at how much better I liked it. Maybe it’s the sitting down part I don’t like, or maybe walking just feels a little more natural to me. Who can say. At any rate, magazines are damn helpful. And you’re right, the TV they show in there sucks ass.
May 7th, 2004 at 1:46 pm
“hey baby” I’m sorry but the end of your passage made images of Johhny Bravo pop into my head.
http://www.cartoonnetwork.com/watch/tv_shows/johnnybravo/