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Three Years ago …
By briantologist | June 16, 2004
… I was thinner. But I wasn’t necessarily a better person.
Nonetheless, I had the common sense and presence of mind to realize my lady was the best of the lot, and so when the guy said “Do you?”, I went ahead and said yes, please, and I was lucky, and she said the same thing, and then “Ring of Fire” started playing, and we walked back down the aisle, and it was awesome. The ceremony was short and to the point, we had him say “What God hath created here today, let no man tear asunder” because we thought it sounded cool, even though neither of us is a real big capital-G God booster, and the reception was awesome. It featured Leinenkugel Red, a variety of Leinie’s that, thanks to an outgrowth of our state’s stupid fucking liquor laws, is only available in kegs ’round these parts. My dad danced to “I Play it Off Legit” by Ween, and seemed to really enjoy it, much more than anybody seemed to enjoy the fucking half-hour of fucking Kenny Chesney the bitch-ass DJ insisted on playing “so the old folks will have something to dance to.” (Bitch, why you assuming my aged peeps like that shit?) Through an unfortunate turn of events related to the aforementioned bitch-ass DJ, it was ultimately my fault, and my eternal burden, that the last song played at our wedding reception was “Shelter,” by Cinderella.
Okay, part of me thought that was pretty cool. Just not the part my bride was shrieking at.
It doesn’t matter, ultimately, though, as Cinderella has yet to come between us, miraculously enough. We rented a Mustang and drove all of Route 66 that we could find (things get pretty sketchy once you cross the Oklahoma state line), and ended up in Santa Fe, at a mostly gay bed and breakfast, where we had an excellent time. Social hour was from 6 to 8 every evening, and there was free wine and cheese, and lemme tellya, if you can spend two hours boozing it up with anybody and not be ready to sign one of your kidneys over to them, there’s some kind of malfunction in your brotherhood gland. We had a fine, drunk ole honeymoon, one that involved at least one evening of trash disco with our hosts and fellow guests.
The day after we got exfoliated from head to toe at a spa called The Seven Waves, and thus promised “brand new skin,” Erin got a really, really bad sunburn and proceeded to shed most of her brand new skin.
On the way home I ended up driving us down a pretty impressively steep, winding mountainside road for a good 20 minutes. When one does this in a brand-new Mustang, one gets this feeling like one’s being filmed for a car commercial, but one tends to put these feelings aside for later, as one’s concentrating on not ending up a pile of slag and goo. It’s pretty exhilarating. Later Erin peed in a giant bush. This may have been exhilarating for her too.
On the way there and the way back, we stayed at the Irish Inn in Shamrock, Texas, where I had quite possibly the best club sandwich I’ve ever eaten. Seriously, if you’re ever in the Texas panhandle, get the Shamrock’s club sammy. I’m getting all teary just thinking about it.
And then we proceeded with married life. If I hadn’t already gone on so long about the day itself, I’d tell you how marriage has changed me in really weird, unexpected ways, ways I didn’t even know I needed to be changed. I’d tell you how exciting it is to only be three years into building something you know you’ll be working on your entire life, and how eerily accurate parts of “We’ve Only Just Begun” are seeming to me right now. I’d tell you I got really fucken lucky the morning Erin Clay first threw up in my parents’ backyard.
Remind me to tell you about all that some time.
Topics: Songs of Praise | 14 Comments »
June 16th, 2004 at 10:23 am
The ‘Ring of Fire’ moment was truly inspiring (as was the ‘I Play it Off Legit’, but in a totally non-related way) and is a moment I only wish I had in my wedding.
I instead opted to leave my bride at the alter in front of four family members and two strangers to Dead Can Dance. I haven’t heard the end of that one… you KNOW how long those songs can be…
June 16th, 2004 at 10:40 am
I think the Dead Can Dance would’ve been fairly appropriate for our wedding, too. Our first dance was to a Nick Cave song, fer cryin’ out loud.
And we outlawed any “theme” dance-songs from the DJ’s repertoire . . . until after we left the reception. So, now, we have all these pictures from just after we drove away of people dancing to “Y.M.C.A.” and “Macarena.”
June 16th, 2004 at 11:45 am
Baby, you’re the best.
June 16th, 2004 at 12:16 pm
Two comments :
I’m still pissed that the minister totally gave away the “twist” ending of your ceremony by talking about the depth of “Ring of Fire”. You should have just interrupted him and said “Actually, we just picked it because Johnny Cash and Mariachi horn sections are kickass.”
Okay, that must be a great muthafuckin’ sandwich. I remember you called me from your honeymoon because you had to tell somebody about how good that sandwich was. Considering the fact that you’re still talking about it three years later, I think you may be ready to make a culinary pilgrimage of some sort.
June 16th, 2004 at 12:30 pm
Seriously, it was an extraordinarily fine sandwich. Plus the old men of Shamrock have an annual beard-growing contest, and I really need to enter that shit.
June 16th, 2004 at 12:49 pm
Wow–”Ring of Fire.” I thought my wedding was badass, but I think we’ve got a contender here. What’s really important, though, is that the ceremony was an accurate product of you guys coming together…so good for you.
As for sucky DJs at receptions, I saw this problem coming before I even proposed to K. Solution? I DJ’d my OWN WEDDING. Ah, the wondrous powers of the iPod.
And how’s that for tying a couple of threads together?
June 16th, 2004 at 1:17 pm
Happy Anniversary!
(and congrats on the iPod below. I’m not a music person…but now I am! Thank you iPod!)
June 16th, 2004 at 1:21 pm
I loved the ring of fire moment at your wedding.
Ross turned to G and I and asked when were we getting married to which we replied “we are married …5 years ago”. He was upset he wasn’t invited to the wedding.
I like the more personal writing style you went with today!
Do you remember what I said to the first time I met Erin?
June 16th, 2004 at 2:00 pm
I don’t remember. What did you say?
June 16th, 2004 at 2:48 pm
Well….G and I walked into Caz’s and Brian said -that is my fiance over there with the red hair and I said “Oh my god she is so beautiful” and he said “yeah, I know!!”.
June 16th, 2004 at 3:58 pm
Oh, Joana. That’s the nicest thing I’ve ever heard. From both of you. Thanks!
June 16th, 2004 at 11:03 pm
Sometimes I get nostalgic for your wedding weekend, that’s how awesome it was. Also, on a personal note, I love that I’ve somehow managed to round up TWO sets of married best friends. Twofer for life. Thanks for having good taste, both of you.
June 18th, 2004 at 3:42 pm
I’m glad you had a good experience in Shamrock.
I did the whole Route 66 thing from Chicago until it ends at a dentist’s office in Santa Monica back in ’99, and I gotta say, Shamrock is one of the most bleak, depressing towns on the trail. It’s population dwindles by like 6% a year, everybody’s on cheap crank, and it’s a dry county, so people are drinking $6 budweisers and poisonous moonshine. Plus, aside from the Shamrock Inn, the only industry is criminally priced car repairs and fraudulent towing fees for cars that break down within a 30 mile radius. An acre of land in that area sells for nineteenth century prices.
However, that beard-growing contest sounds pretty bad-assed.
If any Californians are reading this, imagine Needles California, but with no good booze, less motels, and without the bitchin’ thrift stores.
June 18th, 2004 at 9:14 pm
Needles can’t be all bad; that’s where Snoopy’s brother lived…