« Defeat looms | Home | Suck at 35,000 feet »
“Mystery.”
By briantologist | September 25, 2004
Today’s episode is tentatively titled, “Encyclopedia Brown and the Case of the Apparently Drunk Person That Vomited What Appears to be Andy Capp’s Hot Fries All Over Our Front Porch.”
Naturally, our first suspect was Jimmy Jam. Upon investigating Mr. Jam, we determined he had a fairly solid alibi, having spent last night with Danger Lady, who, trust us, would give JJ up in a second if she knew he’d puked Andy Capp’s Hot Fries on our porch.
A passing examination of the splash patterns revealed that the perpetrator (or someone with him/her) had slipped in their leavings, and had left the clear impression of a Coverse All-Star sneaker. This pointed us to Curtis, Brother-in-Law/Brother to Gin & Juice, as he’s a frequent wearer of said. He, too, denies his involvement.
If our frequently drunk neighbor Dr. Flash denies involvement, our list of suspects will have run out, and we’ll have to assume it was the work of a random drunk passer-by. But this theory opens up a whole other set of mildly disturbing questions, not the least of which is, if you’re gonna puke on a stranger’s house, why not the bushes? They’re much more private. And we wouldn’t have had to hose them off.
Well, Darleece wouldn’t have had to hose them off.
P.S. — I did not get pictures.
Topics: Baffled Mutterings | 5 Comments »
September 26th, 2004 at 11:48 pm
My money’s on Sal.
September 26th, 2004 at 11:49 pm
Oh holy Jesus Christ. I just clicked on Jon as Lavell. I had to go scream into my pillow so my laughter wouldn’t wake up my roommates.
September 27th, 2004 at 1:10 pm
Perhaps this is going to turn into one of those lameass HBO thrillers where halfway through the movie, the detective realizes that he’s got multiple personalities and is actually investigating a murder he committed. In other words, how often do you eat Andy Capp’s Hot Fries???
In other news, from Dec. 24th-29th, it’s on. That’s all I’m sayin’.
September 27th, 2004 at 1:59 pm
You’ve been watching too much CSI.
September 27th, 2004 at 4:20 pm
In the words of Roadblock, “OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.”