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Highlight Reel
By briantologist | October 18, 2004
Here, in no particular order, are the clips that would play if there was an episode of “Sportscenter” about my weekend.
• “TINAAAAAAAAAA!!!” Friday night we watched “Mommie Dearest,” one of the funniest movies I’ve ever seen, with Gin & Juice. And drank. And fell promptly asleep afterward.
• The Wandering Shar-Pei. Friday afternoon as I’m heading back to work from lunch, this Shar-Pei wanders up to my car. I get out and try to make nice with him, looking for a collar (none). I reach over to pet him, and he just kind of squints at me, then walks away. In hours and days that follow, Darleece and I have similar encounters with him: We see him and call him, he looks over his shoulder at us, he continues about his business. What I love about the whole thing is how it turns the whole stray dog/human dynamic on its head. Rather than acting all sweet and making us want to bring him home to live with us, he really kind of just doesn’t care for us, and wishes we’d leave him alone. Today when I came home he was sitting on our porch in the shade; when he saw me, he slowly got on his feet and walked down the sidewalk. He did not look back. I brought him a bowl of food. He didn’t care.
• The Wedding. Dr. Flash and his fiancee tied the knot Saturday, and we celebrated by attending the ceremony and getting fucked up at the reception. Thanks for a lovely party, kids. I hope the cock’n'balls I drew in spray string on your windshield washes off okay.
• The Pooping Kitten. Gin & Juice got an unbelievably sweet kitten over the weekend, so naturally Darleece and I carried her around as often as we possibly could. Once she climbed up on my shoulder and stood. “Awwww,” I thought. “She’s so sweeeeet!!! Standing on my shoulder!!! I love her so much!!!” I thought this for a few moments until I noticed she was in fact taking a dump off (and on) my shoulder. Slightly less cute, with the pooping.
• The Scraping Victory. In which I, due entirely to the fact that I A): picked up Denver’s phenomenal runningback Ruben Droughns off waivers this week, and B): started him, almost entirely on the advice of my stromey, my homey, Dr. Voltron. As a result, and also as a result of Aaron Brooks’s awesome work last night, I clutched my second whole fantasy football victory this season, beating the our league’s Team of Destiny. The Thick Hearty Soup’s record now rises to a slightly less pathetic 2-4, and thus I rise from last place in our league to second-to-last place. Livin’ the dream, baby.
Topics: Exciting, Possibly | 8 Comments »
October 18th, 2004 at 5:10 pm
You forgot to mention that you fell asleep in your hoodie because it felt so soft on your face.
October 18th, 2004 at 5:45 pm
Ummmmm, if it makes you feel any better, the kitten totally shat on my wife AND middle child. So, you are like family and in the will now. Small price to pay, no? Ok, not so small.
October 19th, 2004 at 9:16 am
Hoodies kick ass!
October 19th, 2004 at 9:43 am
I can’t stop thinking about the shitty kitty. You guys should be required to have a camera in the vicinity at all times!
October 19th, 2004 at 10:31 am
Going into Monday night’s game, my Angry Dragons were down by 18 points. How did I know that Torry Holt was gonna score touchdowns, catch for 10,000 yards, and earn me exactly what I needed to win my matchup. The Dragons are now 3-3 (in fourth place).
October 19th, 2004 at 11:28 am
God fucking bless Torry Holt. He made my entire last season. Him and Stephen “Glad He Wasn’t My Keeper” Davis.
October 19th, 2004 at 10:44 pm
I’m so glad you aren’t done talking about Mommy Dearest.
In the early days of cable when my techno geek father was stealing cable by fiddling with the box…our favorite HBO movies were: Poltergeist. Mommy Dearest. and the occasional The Miracle Worker.
Favorite line: ‘It has a NAME Helen.’
I promise you’ll be surprised at how often that comes in handy in everyday conversation. Almost as often as the ‘No Wire Hangers’ thing or ‘TINAAAAAAAA’
October 21st, 2004 at 6:43 pm
BRING ME THE AXE!