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Hos, hos, hos.
By briantologist | December 29, 2004
Eh, bandwidth my ass. Here’s the poop.
My gosh, what a fine holiday weekend/extended week it’s been. One barely knows where to begin; fortunately our camera’s willing to do some talking for me. Here, some highlights.
Wednesday: Agent Foxxy Boxing and I set out in search of beer. We are successful. We also find Dookie. We have reason to believe he has been drinking.
He behaves in a variety of extremely entertaining ways, none of which I will detail here, in that we’ve laughed at him for it enough to last a while. In exchange for text-based mockery, I simply offer this picture.
Friday: The Lady and I depart for Keystone State Park, the cabins of which will house our XXX-Mas hoedown with her mom’s extended family. The fact that her mom’s parents themselves live in another cabin on another nearby lake has apparently been deemed irrelevant. I defer the telling of this tale to my beloved Ern, as it’s mostly hers to tell. I will simply say that there was a lot of this going on. And that, after my sainted mother-in-law gave me my stocking, which contained a four-pack of Tic-Tacs and a stocking cap that commands the wearer (and presumably everyone whom he or she encounters) to “KICK BACK AND RELAX,” I had no choice but to obey the hat.
Saturday: After a refreshing breakfast of coffee and sausage balls, Ern and I head back to scenic Tulsa, which I can honestly state I have never been so happy to see in my entire life. We made haste to my parents’ house, where my mom’s side of the family was gathered en masse for the first time in a while.
Oh, the differences. People were dressed. Not screaming*. No magic cake within a five-mile radius. More than one food item made without white sugar. It’s the little differences you notice.
Getting in the car to leave, I spotted this horrible thing on the ground next to the driveway. One can only hope it fell off somebody’s car, rather than burrowing up from the room in Hell where things that smell bad go.
Sunday: At which time we hit the engagement party for Gregger and Kristen (I know they’ve got code names, but seriously, I don’t know how the CIA keeps track of these things, ’cause I sure can’t.) It was a lovely party, with lots of fairly excellent food that caused remarkable gas around our household for days afterward. (I can’t entirely blame the food; we’re both at gassy points in our lives right now.) And oh yes, I believe there was booze. And you know what that means …
“Ladies?”
Apparently I got good and snockered, at least to the point where I was no longer to outwit a common Champagne cork; crafty little shit broke off in the bottleneck. Fortunately Dr. 12 was willing to step up to the plate and risk ocular injury to corkscrew that motherfucker open.
All that, and it’s not even New Year’s yet. Good times.
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* — Not the “I’m pissed off about something” kind of screaming, so much as the “We all talk really loud and the more we talk loud to each other the louder we talk to each other, and HAVE YOU HAD ANY MAGIC CAKE YET? DEAR CHRIST, TRY A FISTFUL!!!” kind of screaming.
Topics: Tales of Drink | 12 Comments »
December 29th, 2004 at 12:39 pm
Can we just pretend that the result of uncorking a champagne bottle that way warranted that posture and that much caution?
And damn, have you SEEN dookie?
December 29th, 2004 at 12:48 pm
That’s totally a Freddy Kruger sweater.
December 29th, 2004 at 3:12 pm
So jealous. Looks like an awesome time!
December 29th, 2004 at 9:30 pm
God, that picture of Mr. Hallinell and his magic eye Christmas sweater and Wolverine and the goth girlz backup dancers is totally my next year’s Xmas card.
December 30th, 2004 at 7:25 am
LMAO!!! One can only hope New Year’s is this good. You should have taken more pictures of Dookie. Even without meeting him, I can tell he should be on TV.
December 30th, 2004 at 11:05 am
Dookie really should have his own reality show.
And for the record, after 5 hours of drinking, never, but NEVER, get in the car with Dookie when he prefaces it with, ‘No, really, this is going to be fun, c’mon.’
You end up on a college campus’s sidewalk doing things no self-respecting human should. And DAMN that ashtray was HEAVY, and I think it bottomed out the Saab.
December 30th, 2004 at 12:56 pm
You should know better than to listen to Dookie when he says shit like that.
December 31st, 2004 at 9:21 am
Dookie is kinda cute! What my Ball and Chain refers to as “adorkable.” He reminds me of my first.
December 31st, 2004 at 10:15 am
We tend to use the term ‘rakish’ when it comes to Dookie’s looks, I mean, have you SEEN him?!
And yes, elb, you’re right, I should know better, it was the four Mojitos making that decision for me. And he may have a hernia from it, so that kind of makes it all worthwhile.
December 31st, 2004 at 12:47 pm
Matt, you shoulda seen the Dookster ten years ago. Or seven, for that matter. I’m not one for the lads, but damn, skinny young Dookie was a force to be reckoned with.
December 31st, 2004 at 6:15 pm
Dude, when I first met Dookie, I had a crush on him. For real! Then he started asking me if I’d go down on him and that cleared that up pretty quickly.
January 3rd, 2005 at 11:05 am
EVERYONE needs them some dookie.