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14 days, 13 nights
By briantologist | February 11, 2005
Day two of Operation: Not at the Hospital Anymore proceeds. A glimpse:
Our hero somehow manages to look more bald than he actually is. This is hard to do.
A ho dances during “New Jack City,” moments after defiantly turning on “I Wanna Sex You Up.” The whole exchange is relayed via our television.
Our handsome little turd of a cat is present for the whole thing.
I’ve generally got about half an hour of time I can spend on my back before the pain drives me back onto either side. And by “either,” I mean “right,” also known as “the side that lets me face the TV.” Though this is putting a bit of a strain on my right side, it’s a small price to pay for this kind of volume of quality retarded programming.
Exhibit A: “From Justin to Kelly,” HBO, 9:30—11:00 a.m. CST. Friends, it just doesn’t get any better than this. From the musical numbers—actual musical numbers, people! dropped in out of nowhere, like in musicals of yore!—to the egregiously non-acting lead actors, to slapstick broader than the Sahara, to the crucial role that large-print text messages play in the plot, to the CLIMACTIC FUCKING HOVERCRAFT RACE!!! … it’s just a miraculous advance in the field of stupid shit. It’s like a feature-length skit from “You Can’t Do That On Television,” only with less unattractive leads. (Not that Justin’s Sideshow Bob ‘do or Kelly’s cutely stumpy legs qualify them for modeling school.)
Seriously, in no small way, this is kind of a dream vacation for Ern and me. Thank heavens medical technology made it possible.
Topics: Exciting, Possibly | 8 Comments »
February 11th, 2005 at 12:10 pm
Sounds like you are bouncing back beautifully. Heh. It’d be funny to see you try to bounce.
February 11th, 2005 at 1:11 pm
Brian, Brian, Brian…..you know I love you. So it’s as someone who’s been your friend for more than 15 years that I gotta be honest and say that that is one of the strangest pictures of you I’ve ever seen. The reasons for this are threefold :
1) Neckbeard. You rock the beard in ways few men can muster, but the photo makes it look like it’s invading your neck.
2) It looks like you bought your mustache and beard seperately. I dunno exactly how to explain it, but the slight curve at the end of your ‘stache is giving you an odd look that I’d like to officially dub “Muskogee Dad”.
3) For this one. I want you to do a little experiment. Hold your hand up to the monitor and cover your face from the nose down. It’s not just the afforementioned baldness. From the eyes up you look exactly like Chairman Mao.
Of course, you’ve got the whole excuse of “I’m recovering from surgery”.
On another note…If I ran the world, the American Idol folks would make a shot for shot remake of that movie, starting with “From Rueben To Clay”, every year for as long as the show continues. No matter how bad the movie does at the box office, they would remake the exact same movie over and over and over again with the top two from each year (I’d love to see “From Fantasia to that chubby girl”). It might suck for now, but you know that would end up being the coolest DVD box set ever in about 20 years down the line.
February 11th, 2005 at 2:49 pm
Wait, you watched “From Justin to Kelly”? Those must be some damn fine pain killers.
February 11th, 2005 at 3:08 pm
Good to have you back. I wish that I had the joys of cable during my week on the couch, but my only luxury is that TBS comes in via antennae here in Turnerland. They fucking love Sandra Bullock movies.
Also, I have to add… TRUCKY!!!
February 11th, 2005 at 8:25 pm
Sharing bad television with loved ones is what makes life worth living. Glad you are back home enjoying your much deserved pain killers.
February 12th, 2005 at 12:29 pm
I love how flash of the camera cast a “glow” on the stripper’s special place.
February 13th, 2005 at 1:21 am
I would totally watch From Fantasia to That Chubby Girl. I always forget how much I like Greg.
February 13th, 2005 at 12:28 pm
Dude, you think the neck beard is rockin’ in this picture, you should see it now. Also the cheek beard is taking over at this point. It’s the “Scream, Blacula, Scream!” effect.