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The Couch: Day Four
By briantologist | February 13, 2005
First, the technical details: Neck beard progress and cheek beard progress. As you can see, both are flourishing.
I’m having to try very hard not to continually take my maximum allowable dose of hydrocodone every four hours, mainly because I’m enjoying it an awful lot. Seriously, it gives me these weird cravings for sweets, and it makes me sort of giggly, both in a way not unlike tha Chronic does. As painkiller addictions go, this might be the one to look into.
As for hygiene, it’s pretty much out the window at this point. I think I took a shower the night I got home from the hospital, but the days, they pretty much blend into one another lately. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen all the television there is. This has not stopped me watching.
Our dearest Dookie came through the other night with a variety of rented movies, left over from earlier in the week when he was sick and went to Blockbuster and just sort of grabbed a handful of DVDs. It’s a delightfully mixed bag, from the occasionally funny “Without a Paddle” to the patently unwatchable “Cellular” (seriously, we couldn’t make it ten minutes in, even when listening to the commentary, which managed the impossible feat of being even worse than the film itself) to the fucking solid gold plethora of extras on the “Anchorman” DVD. Also there’s a movie called “The September Tapes” that’s definitely worth checking out; I won’t reveal too much, except to say that you should find it and rent it, and that I’m kind of shocked it was at Blockbuster, it being the paradigm of fucking worthless censored sanitized middling brainless shit entertainment that it is.
My back hurts from lying on it, so I can’t type anymore. More soon; I’ll have the time.
Topics: Baffled Mutterings | 13 Comments »
February 13th, 2005 at 3:02 pm
It wasn’t at blockbuster. It was at Hollywood.
February 14th, 2005 at 12:45 am
The neckbeard’s coming along nicely, but how’s the hair doing?
http://www.thetalentshow.org/brianmao.jpg
Now would probably be a good time to splurge on one of those DVD box sets they make for every goddamn show ever released. I reccommend Freaks and Geeks, Arrested Development, the West Wing, Kids in the Hall, and/or the Twilight Zone.
February 14th, 2005 at 10:42 am
Very attractive, B. I knew a girl once who was WAY into the neckbeard look.
Will you have a huge scar from the surgery? It makes a great party trick excuse to expose one’s torso/bush/plumber’s crack.
February 14th, 2005 at 11:11 am
Take care. Do we need an intervention (yet)? ;)
February 14th, 2005 at 11:54 am
As luck would have it, Mr. Ambrose, my scar is immediately above my own personal plumber’s crack. It’s not immense, but from what I can tell through the steri-strips, it may actually be a bit jagged. Here’s hoping.
God, Mao and I even have the same expression! I have always hated the rich, yet secretly suspected I’d become immediately corrupt in a position of power. Maybe there’s something to this.
February 15th, 2005 at 6:22 pm
Jon going to Hollywood Video makes me laugh for some reason. Kind of like the quote I found in an old notebook this weekend:
“Wait, I don’t have health insurance but you have a WATCHMAKER?”
–Kelly to Jon, August 25, 2003
February 15th, 2005 at 7:25 pm
Holy fuck, that’s pure gold! I do believe that was the infamous birthday of the dried shrimp and the boilermakers and the smacking of the head! Good times.
February 15th, 2005 at 8:49 pm
The dried shirmp. I found a package of those at a store in Oklahoma City yesterday. I wasnt there just looking for those, it just kind of happened that way.
Dried shrimp…mmmmmmmm………
February 16th, 2005 at 6:17 pm
God, that night. I remember having to call Kelly the next afternoon so she could drive me to get my car (she’d helpfully written on my hand the night before KELLY KNOWS WHERE YOUR CAR IS CALL HER), and when she picked me up, she said, “Why are you wearing shorts and running shoes?” and I said, “Oh, yeah, I’m about to go running with my dad.” You know, because that makes sense, to go running in Tulsa in August in the afternoon when you’re hungover and the last thing you ingested was dried shrimp 12 hours before. Let’s do this!
February 16th, 2005 at 7:15 pm
I missed that whole night because I had storytime the next day, so hearing about it is kind of like hearing tales from the old country. You know it existed, but I can’t imagine what it was like.
February 18th, 2005 at 10:11 am
if you develop bed sores, you should totally come up with some awesome names or something for them.
February 18th, 2005 at 6:03 pm
Okay, I’m coming into the game a little late, but the funniest thing about that story is that Sarah was actually the one who wrote KELLY KNOWS WHERE YOUR CAR IS CALL HER on her own arm, but thoughtfully credited it to me. Props, Ms. B. Every time I’m on the Mexican aisle at Reasor’s, I look at the dried shrimp and smile.
February 20th, 2005 at 2:24 pm
I need to memorize all of the smell descriptions from that one scene in Anchorman. The only one I remember is “It smells like a turd wrapped in wet hair.”