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Learnin’, Laughin’, Lovin’
By briantologist | March 22, 2005
The Lady and I learned many new things this weekend. For example, we learned the Drug Mart at 51st and Sheridan is your source for old-looking food, older-looking ladies, knockoff Murakami bags, and Italian-made knockoff breakfast cereals. (We would’ve taken the camera if we’d known. We may yet return with it.)
On a related note, we decided unanimously that 51st and Sheridan is the most depressing intersection in all of Tulsa. “Wait a second,” you’re saying. “I’ve either been in Tulsa or live there; I can’t remember which. What about, like, Garnett? Or Mingo? Those are some depressing-ass motherfucking streets, you punk-ass hobo cocksucker.”
Watch your language, buddy. The baby Jesus reads me, and if you make him cry with that potty mouth of yours we’re all in deep shit. So yes, while main North-South arteries farther east of Sheridan are depressing, these other streets know themselves, and have accepted their stations. Not 51st and Sheridan, though. 51st and Sheridan just keeps thinking it just needs to get a little thinner and a little prettier and then all the other intersections will start noticing it, maybe even that hunk 71st and Memorial, with its glittering mall and shiny Cartridges Plus. 51st and Sheridan knows 71st and Memorial and 71st and Mingo have been going together, like, forEVER, but that’s just because 71st and Mingo will do anything if you pour a pint of strawberry Boone’s down it. It’s not special, like 51st and Sheridan.
What 51st and Sheridan can’t understand is that any intersection that features the fucking Farm Shopping Center, which was built in 1971 and HAS NOT BEEN THE LEAST BIT REMODELED SINCE; an intersection with a Burger Street, a Taco Bueno, a Chinese drive-through, and a former filling station that now sells cell phones ALL IN THE PARKING LOT OF THE AFOREMENTIONED DRUG WAREHOUSE; an intersection featuring a Rib Crib, a leatherworking store, and something called “Marc’s All-Mart” … people, this is clearly an intersection that can not get its act together. If I’m not making it clear enough, come visit and I’ll show you and oh, you will understand, person, you will most definitely understand.
Moving on, this weekend we further learned that if it’s early on a Sunday afternoon and you need a roasted chicken, two pounds of lox, and every morbidly obese woman you can possibly think of, friends, Sam’s Wholesale Club is your one-stop shop.
And finally, dear friends, we learned that Juliette Lewis plus Giovanni Ribisi plus amazingly shoddy direction plus perhaps the most insulting script ever written equals “The Other Sister,” yes, the one about retarded people where Juliette Lewis goes “YAYYYEEEEE!!!” and runs after puppies. Add copious margaritas to this and you get fun.
Here concludes the lesson.
Topics: Baffled Mutterings | 11 Comments »
March 22nd, 2005 at 3:41 pm
We have got to take the camera back to Drug Warehouse. People won’t believe the Li’l Chub without photographic proof.
March 22nd, 2005 at 10:20 pm
Should we be worried you know what Murakami bags are?
I’m concerned.
March 23rd, 2005 at 7:44 am
I figure it makes me well-rounded.
March 23rd, 2005 at 10:13 am
The Other Sister definitely has that train wreck quality to it. Can’t. Look. Away.
Also, don’t you wonder if Gio gets a little sad with his typecasting… Remember his bit on Friends?
Last, next time I’m in Tulsa I expect you to take me straight to the Drug Mart at 51st and Sheridan.
March 23rd, 2005 at 10:32 am
You’re already there, K. Just say the word.
March 23rd, 2005 at 10:38 am
I always liked 51st & Sheridan when I was little because of the Wendy’s and the Peaches, and then in high school it was a hotbed of lunchtime and summertime action, given the fast food restaurants and QuikTrip. The last time I was there, I realized it was all drab and sad and that really bummed me out.
However, that Drug Mart is the only one where my mom will get her film developed.
March 23rd, 2005 at 4:10 pm
Yup. Baskin-Robbins and Peaches every Saturday when I was a kid. Now it just sucks. (Except for the scones at Great Harvest Bread. Good eatin.)
March 23rd, 2005 at 6:08 pm
Didn’t Peaches have the handprints in the sidewalk? Is the sidewalk still there?
OMG! There are two pre-teen girls in Care Bear pajama pants practicing their cheer, like, right here in front of my desk!
That has nothing to do with Peaches, though I bet if we offered them shorty-shorts that said Peaches across the ass, they’d snap them up.
March 23rd, 2005 at 7:04 pm
It warms my heart that the shitty Chinese restaurant is still standing, because Tony Lytle and I skipped many a high school class there.
March 23rd, 2005 at 10:14 pm
See, sometimes you actually make me want to go to Tulsa, which is impressive (esp. since I haven’t even been to LA yet) and sometimes you make me want to go fetal with a shotgun. It’s nice when you can accomplish both in one post. Efficient.
March 24th, 2005 at 8:10 am
We aim to please, jwer. Especially where existential horror is concerned.