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Baby, Ho! (Not baby ho.)
By briantologist | July 25, 2005
Ah, fatherhood.
The day begins with poop. Another man’s poop. A tiny man’s poop, to be exact, and a tiny, frequently screaming man’s poop to be utterly precise. Yes, Wee Henry has discovered the yelling instinct, and is generally happy to do so. Particularly when he’s crapped his baby pants, which of course is often.
So far a personal low point came the other day, when not once but twice I nearly tore my hair out about him screaming his lungs out, only to discover after about ten minutes of fruitless rocking and bouncing and pacifying that (heavens!) his diaper was dirty. Thus the screaming. In other words, one of the three things he could possibly be upset about didn’t occur to me for roughly a quarter of an hour.
Things are a little better for me now, I guess, in that I’m less freaked out by Henry crying. This is an important milestone, as babies are generally known to indulge in the occasional cry. Things are not, however, better for Erin, who’s having no luck with our breast pump, and thus has to feed wee Hankers herself whenever he’s hungry. And thanks to his “lots of small meals” approach to eating, he’s hungry about once every commercial break.
This basically means I can help by changing diapers, which of course I do, and by doing as much shit around the house as I can, which I’m doing my best at. And as any guy who’s been faced with a situation of even mild pressure can attest, this is never enough. More specifically, it never feels like enough. Maybe I’ll skulk out at night and kill a moose with a hatchet. That’s always what it comes down to for me: Unless there’s a dead moose involved, I don’t really feel like I’ve done my part.
As this passage clearly indicates, I need a nap. Pray for Mojo.
Topics: Baffled Mutterings | 19 Comments »
July 26th, 2005 at 12:00 am
If I could afford the break, I would totally come be your maid. With earplugs. And a magical breast pump for the lady.
Fingers crossed, hands praying, etc.
July 26th, 2005 at 12:03 am
The five things babies cry about: too hot, too cold, hungry, sleepy, poopy. The sixth thing: just because it’s about five o’clock in the afternoon! Also: pumping sucks, but solids are just around the corner. Sleep whenever possible. No more advice, but when he’s four he might say what mine said just now: “Read me a book or I’ll kill you.”
July 26th, 2005 at 9:02 am
The upside – you’ll be prepared in your sandwich decades, when sweet Graddad, ever the potter, will be yelling for the same reason, albeit big screaming man’s poop.
July 26th, 2005 at 9:05 am
What is it about 5pm? My son hated 5pm. The screaming started at 5pm and didn’t abate until 4am.
July 26th, 2005 at 10:30 am
I’ve heard 5pm + referred to as the “witching hour(s).” Not sure why babies hate it so. Does your wife have an electric pump like a Medela? So much easier than a hand pump, which I could never get to work for me, but I was able to pump gallons (!) with the Medela Pump In Style, despite the loathesome name.
July 26th, 2005 at 10:41 am
I keep hearing great things about these electric pumps. Aren’t they kinda pricey? At this rate, it may not matter for long.
July 26th, 2005 at 11:02 am
Get the electric pump. You can rent them from the hospital and it’s not very expensive.
July 26th, 2005 at 11:26 am
I third or fourth or whatever the electric pump. You can rent them. I don’t know if from Hospitals because in Seattle I rented mine from a place called “The Pump Place” as lame as that sounds. It was 30 bucks a month.
I remember when my daughter was a teeny tiny baby I just kept thinking “okay when does the fun stuff happen” now at 5 the fun stuff is happening and it makes all that poop and crying crap feel like it was worth it.
July 26th, 2005 at 11:30 am
Yeah, run and get an electric one. Like now. It’s not like killing a moose, but she’ll be just as impressed and you will be in her good graces for another day.
If E. gives up, console yourself in the fact that they’ve recently put additives in formula that are found in breastmilk. And WalMart brand is just as good and the cheapest and comes in giant tubs the size of coffee cans three times as large as the other formulas. Most of us have made giant strapping little men with formula after the eventual boob fatigue.
He found his lungs, eh? My condolences.
Are there new pictures? Of course there are new pictures. Make with the pictures, Byrne.
Does Henry’s poop smell not like poop? Owen’s smelled like popcorn. Strangest thing.
July 26th, 2005 at 1:22 pm
if you people start comparing baby poop smells, i am outta here.
July 26th, 2005 at 1:36 pm
He is too cute to cry. I refuse to believe that henry does anything but coo rainbows and summon winged unicorns to frolic for him!
I stand by my assertion that y’all make a damn fine baby.
xoxoxo.
July 26th, 2005 at 2:06 pm
I’m not much help – never had luck breastfeeding, but I certainly applaud you-all for your perseverence (sp?). He’s a doll and you’ll treasure these days forever – yes, even the poopy screaming times. Dead moose aren’t necessary.
July 26th, 2005 at 2:30 pm
just spent the morning with a lactation consultant who said lots of smart things, and even said you could call her–they’ll call back long distance.
anyhoo, she SWEARS by the Pump in Style (despite the name), as well as lanolin and ibuprofen. you can rent the pump for 30-40 bucks a month, unless you have a diagnosis like inverted nipple, in which case insurance covers. cheers.
xoxoxo
auntie j
j
July 26th, 2005 at 2:56 pm
I send you as much e-mojo as I can! I hope it helps!
July 26th, 2005 at 7:38 pm
Dude. If you’re skulking around with a hatchet, day or night, for the love of all that is good and true, please take pictures. A dead moose would just be a bonus.
July 27th, 2005 at 11:43 am
They are expensive new, but I got mine as a hand-me-down from a friend and just had to replace all of the “personal” parts since the actual pump mechanism doesn’t actually touch the milk. Check ebay for used ones. You can rent even more powerful ones (like the Lactina by Medela) from some hospitals or birth centers. The only consolation to the constant, constant nursing that a newborn does is that Erin’s milk supply as a result will be very, very good and established and she won’t ever have to worry about it. If she can get through the first month or so, it will be all downhill from there in re the breastfeeding. I know that’s small consolation when you feel like running away and never coming back!
July 28th, 2005 at 1:50 am
i am ALSO pro lactation consultant. mine was very reasonable and she rented me a pump that could do both boobies while i was WATCHING TV! it was like a hiefer. in a good way. All my bests to you and erin, i KNOW how hard it is. cute is cute, but mind numbing fatigue is painful.
xoxoxoxo
July 28th, 2005 at 10:06 pm
As the person who bought that breast pump, lemme just say that I’m pissed.
An electric pump?! At what point do you start having to refer to it as a “milking machine”?
August 16th, 2005 at 6:07 am
one presumes you’ve solved the breast pump problem by now but in case you haven’t– living in a backwards former communist country as i am, i was told to pump by hand. so sexy! not really, okay. but much faster, once you get the knack. also more efficient by far (nothing to clean before or after, other than your hands). also erin can sing little milking songs while she does it, and wear her hair in heidi braids for the full effect.