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Being a mother is hard. Ok, being a GOOD mother is hard
By ELB | August 25, 2005
This is the time of the day where Henry and I sit on the couch and he farts through some rage while I catch up on all the news that’s fit to print. Then I read trivia on IMDb. Eventually he dozes off and I sneak in a few more moments of precious sleep, then we start all over.
Pardon the cliche, but the lack of sleep has started to make me crazy. Ok, no. Fuck that, don’t pardon the cliche. I’m exhausted and if any of you look at me funny, I’ll start sobbing, just like I did yesterday.
See, today is Brian’s 30th birthday and he deserves not only a party, but a whole boatload of fun stuff and nice things and a wife that hasn’t been wearing the same pair of shorts for six weeks. Instead, it looks like he’s going to get a sixer of PBR and a wife who’s probably going to shave her legs before she puts the aforementioned shorts back on.
Ever since Henry was born, I feel like I’ve set on a course to dissapoint everyone I hold dear. My grandparents are hounding me to come and show off my baby. My dad keeps asking me if I’m doing anything creative during my time off from work. My husband deserves a kick-ass birthday party. Now, I know for a fact that none of these people are actually disappointed, except my grandparents who need to get off my fucking jock; I’ll bring the baby as soon as I fucking can.
In truth, I feel like I need to be sucking up the bone crushing fatigue and managing to keep my house clean, to keep everyone happy, to wear something other than said shorts. All of this while taking care of Henry.
Needless to say, I am unable to deliver. The best I can do is end this pity party and go change my third pee-soaked onesie of the night. Then I can forgive myself for not changing a diaper that is merely damp. For real, they’re wet, like, as soon as you put them on. How’s a person supposed to keep up with that?
p.s. That diaper was a nightmare and the onesie was way beyond pee-soaked.
Topics: Beans!, Reflections From the Bottom Rung | 17 Comments »
August 25th, 2005 at 8:12 am
Hm, not that I know you personally, but I have been through a scarily similar situation (my girl is now 10 months and I have done maybe one creative thing since she was born. Besides, you know, creating a whole separate life form inside my body).
The grandparents can get off their wrinkly asses and come see the damn baby themselves, can’t they? ( I believe I used gentler language when I said that to my mother…)
I have found that the harder I try to be who I feel I should be, the less that actually happens. I want to tell you to tell everyone else to suck it. And I hope you do, but I know I couldn’t, because moms have that inner guilt complex firmly wedged into their cortex. I think the moms who have it together either a.: don’t really, and are just good fakers, or b.: are on the crack cocaine.
Unwanted advice from a stranger: sit on the couch and don’t move until you start to stink up the place. You’re doing great. and I promise that you will get off the couch someday.
August 25th, 2005 at 8:41 am
I just had a baby in April and I’m just now finally feeling a sense of control in my life again. For the first three to four months, we just flew by the seat of our pants around here. I was lucky to get a shower more than every third day and on more than one occasssion we just bought new underwear and socks because it was easier than doing laundry. Then, around the three month mark, something totally magical happened: life stopped feeling suffocating and started actually to feel “normal”. A new normal to be sure, but I at least stopped pining for my “old” life every two seconds. [Now it's more like every day or two. Heh.]
The one thing that has saved my sanity is co-sleeping. Lily sleeps in the bed next to me, so when she wakes up in the middle of the night, as she’s prone to do anywhere between 2 and 5 times, I can just roll her over, whip out the boob and voila. Everyone is happy, no one is crying and we’re both back to sleep before you know it. I am a person who gets downright insane without sleep, so this was my solution.
You’ll get through this and before you know it, he’ll be keeping you up because he’s out all night (or because he’s throwing a rad party in your living room, whatev).
August 25th, 2005 at 8:50 am
Darlin, you’re doing just fine. I’ve been wearing the same shorts all summer and I have no baby excuse.
August 25th, 2005 at 9:58 am
I don’t know how I made it out alive after my first. Sleep deprivation was debilitating. I don’t know how I got through it. I just did. I made it through all the guilt of the “I should be able to…” etc. I don’t know how but I did. The early months seem so LONG because you’re awake and tired through most of them I figure. It will get better. It really will.
If our world leaders had to raise newborn babies…the world would be a different place. And its a good thing to not like i either!
August 25th, 2005 at 10:29 am
It is called Stupid Tired and it sucks.
My husband came home from work when my kid was about 3-4 weeks old and said (all perky like), “So, what did you get done today?”
I almost killed the bastard. (But I didn’t have the energy to get up out of the recliner.)
August 25th, 2005 at 11:37 am
You just had a baby. I’m pretty sure that takes a lot out of you. Plus with the feeding and the changing and the up-every-three-hours and… dude, you went from 40-hours-a-week to 24-hours-a-day. NO wonder you’re tired. Naps don’t count.
*hug* it will get easier. I mean, you know, one day he’ll have to move out and go to college, right?
August 25th, 2005 at 11:45 am
Rest, don’t listen to anyone, don’t feel bad, don’t worry. Just survive. That is all any of us can do until the little monkees are about 6 months old.
We felt like crazy people when our son was brand spanky, shiny and new.
You can’t imagine how you’ll ever get through it and once it is done you wish you could have it back.
August 25th, 2005 at 12:09 pm
You can’t keep up with that…that’s the problem. You’ll eventually be able to tell when the diaper is somewhere between “just put on and immediately peed in” and “so wet its going to soak the onsie”. So cut yourself some slack.
In fact, cut yourself a LOT of slack in all areas. Rinse and repeat for the next 18 years.
You can only do so much. Do it and then let the rest go.
August 25th, 2005 at 1:43 pm
OMG, you are so Linette from D.H.!
Good news though. She’s my favorite character!
August 25th, 2005 at 1:51 pm
Wait! Who’s Linette? Is she cute?
August 25th, 2005 at 2:39 pm
If anyone actually expects you to keep your house clean and take care of the baby and retain some semblance of a normal life just punch them in the neck (or kick them if you lack punching energy). Having a new baby is fucking hard. It takes up all of your time, your energy, your concentration and you have no room for anything else. After a while you’ll get into a flow, but until than ignore everyone else and deal with the stuff you can deal with.
Oh and don’t make yourself feel guilty, even if you can’t throw a kick-ass party, or can’t clean the house, it’s not a big deal in the end trust me.
August 25th, 2005 at 5:44 pm
You just accomplished something 50% of the world cannot, so you’re allowed to feel however you’re going to feel. Do what you can and don’t worry about the rest. We think the world of you, ELB, and you’re gonna prove what a great mom you are.
My two grandmothers had a combined total of 23 kids. Many of them during The Depression. How the hell they did that is beyond me. But goddamnit they did it and all their kids turned out alright.
August 25th, 2005 at 9:18 pm
Isn’t extending your husband’s name ‘birthday-partyish’ enough? I’m sure your husband will have a kick-ass birthday spending it with you and your bebe. Smiles.
August 26th, 2005 at 10:03 am
PS I am farting through my rage RIGHT NOW!!!
August 26th, 2005 at 3:21 pm
Your “time off from work”–that’s a good one! You are working harder than you’ve ever worked in your life. Please realize you’re not alone. My son is 9.5 months now. The house still isn’t clean, but I sure do love that sprog!
August 26th, 2005 at 11:35 pm
Do something creative with your time off? Do something CREATIVE??? MWA HA AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAaaaaaa…..
You just created life. I think that’s enough creativity for now, don’t you?
P’raps Dad could cook up some creativity of his own, like drive the grandparents over to see the new baby.
God bless your father, but only a man could ask that question.
September 1st, 2005 at 4:51 am
Sweetie … all the things I want to say, have been said. You just “created” one of the best gifts in this world.
My daughter is 41-years old, and she (of course) was a perfect baby [slept, never wet her diaper, never cried/screamed, smiled all the time - you know] – that’s my memory, and I’m sticking to it.
So you’ve worn the same shorts for – how many days/weeks – if it really disturbs anyone, they could pop over and do a couple of loads of laundry – same with cooking.
Oh, and I don’t need to tell you your husband will enjoy his party when you can enjoy it with him.
Enjoy your beautiful baby – I guarantee you’ll forget the downside, and remember only the joy.
God bless …