« Being a mother is hard. Ok, being a GOOD mother is hard | Home | How I spend my days »
Happy Birthday to Me.
By briantologist | August 25, 2005
Ladies and Gentlemen, it’s not just that I turn 30 today. Sure, it’s a biggish deal, landmark-wise, but do you know who else has a birthday today? Jesus Christ, I had no idea. A sampling:
OAKLAND A’S PITCHER ROLLIE FINGERS: Named to 6 AL All-Star Teams. Has funny name.
NOTED SON OF A BITCH CONRAD BLACK: Apparently in addition to being a right-wing media mogul, he got kicked out of Upper Canada College(?) for selling stolen exams. The Steve Sanders of wealthy sonsabitches.
ANTHONY HEALD: Played the jackass shrink in the Hannibal Lecter movies. And the second doctor at the Union Meeting in “Silkwood.”
TOM SKERRITT: Ah, “Poison Ivy.” So gross. (Dude, he’s 72 today! He’s dead any minute! Jesus!)
MARVIN HARRISON: One of the finest wide receivers in the NFL, and god bless him for his ability to both be awesome and keep his fucking mouth shut about it. Apparently this is rare among truly great wide receivers.
WAYNE SHORTER: Legendary jazz saxophonist. That’s kind of all I know about him.
REGIS PHILBIN: I like it when he screams about stuff.
ALTHEA GIBSON: Pioneering black tennis player. Among the best, apparently.
SEAN CONNERY: “I’ll take ‘The Rapists’ for $200, Alex.”
CLAUDIA SCHIFFER: Her in 1989 is seared into my brain. She was hot enough it didn’t matter that she married David Copperfield.
RACHEL RAY: A food personality? Of some sort?
JEFF TWEEDY: Um, dude! The guy from Wilco! Seriously!
WALT KELLY: Creator of “Pogo”!
TERMINATOR X: I just got to mention Walt Kelly, Jeff Tweedy, and Terminator X in a row! Who says birthday wishes don’t come true?
BLAIR UNDERWOOD: Damn shame about “LAX.”
JOANNE WHALLEY: Few careers span “Willow” and TV movies about Jackie O and Scarlett O’Hara.
BILLY RAY MOTHERFUCKING CYRUS: Is it me, or is my hair growing faster in back than it is in front?
TIM BURTON: Hey, sweet.
ELVIS COSTELLO: I should’ve put him up there with Terminator X, Tweedy and Kelly. BUT!
GENE SIMMONS: Kind of a moron in person, but dude, KISS. AND!
ROB HALFORD!: BREAKIN’ THE LAW! BREAKIN’ THE LAW! God bless Metal’s finest leather man, for being gay in a straight business.
So there you have it. Send all of these people cards. Just send me the ones with cash in them. Or booze. Either one’s fine.
Topics: Exciting, Possibly | 21 Comments »
August 25th, 2005 at 2:20 pm
I live in Seattle and I actually see Tom Skerritt around town a lot. I have to say he’s looking pretty spry. I wouldn’t count him as dead or almost dead just yet.
August 25th, 2005 at 2:21 pm
Yeah, honestly he strikes me as the kind of guy who’ll live to be about a hundred and sixty. He’s got that weatherbeaten, invulnerable look to him, like Keith Richards or Donatella Versace. Only less tan than the latter.
August 25th, 2005 at 2:35 pm
According to the IMDB I share a birthday with Busty Becky. All it says about her is Measurements: 42-32-40.
You got all the good celebs. Tweedy! The last time I saw Wilco in concert Tweedy got pissy hostile with a member of the crowd for yelling “She’s A Jar” during some song other than She’s A Jar. Then he refused to play it _On Principle_.
After that we started imagining him as the kind of guy that speaks in third person exclaiming “Where are Jeff Tweedy’s slippers? This is not Jeff Tweedy’s sparkling water! Jeff Tweedy requires silence!” But I still give him credit for being awesome.
And Happy Birthday!!
August 25th, 2005 at 3:11 pm
Sebenty-two?! Wow. But doin’ the nasty with Drew Barrymore, in the rain – I should be so lucky.
Happy Birthday!!!!!!!
August 25th, 2005 at 3:11 pm
happy birthday mofo! Good Times!
August 25th, 2005 at 3:41 pm
You’ll rue the day you crossed me, Trebek!
August 25th, 2005 at 9:31 pm
Good times Mr. Byrne. I wish you the best. Considering I should be back from “The City” on Saturday fairly early, I should be able to make it for a drink and a smoke. Good times sir.
Will there be singing?
Oh I hope Henry likes that.
Cheers
The CHeat
August 26th, 2005 at 2:19 am
Dirty Thirty. Heh-heh.
Rollie Fingers had the greatest moustache in the history of professional baseball. You should be proud.
August 26th, 2005 at 4:36 am
Happy birthday! Now your lovely wife has very kindly sent me the recipe (and I’m using recipe in the loosest sense of the word here) I could offer to make you some Magic Birthday Cake but I suspect you’re just about over that phenomenon of culinary excess by now. Enjoy the celebrations!
August 26th, 2005 at 6:40 am
Happy Birthday. I am jealous of your rock star studded birthday – and Connery and Marvelous Marvin Harrison to boot! All I’ve got is Milla Jojovich and Bill Pullman. (Oh, yeah, and William Green – but if you don’t LOVE football, you have no idea who I’m talking about).
August 26th, 2005 at 7:38 am
That is an impressive fucking list. You get Walt Kelly AND Elvis Costello? The world is truly an unfair, evil place. All I get is Christian Slater. BOGUS.
August 26th, 2005 at 8:26 am
Happy Birthday to yooou!
Also, not to be a birthday pain but I don’t think Claudia ever married Waxy Copperfield. I think they were just engaged, FOREVER.
My only good birthday people are Ginger Rodgers and Will Ferrel. What a pair!
August 26th, 2005 at 8:29 am
Dude, I know who William Green is. Struggling lately, is who he is, bless him.
Thanks be you all!
August 26th, 2005 at 2:19 pm
Indeed. Fortunately, I’m a Bucs fan. Wait – no, that is also unfortunate.
August 26th, 2005 at 2:24 pm
Happy Birthday Papa Byrne. I would just like to say that you have easily the most awsome shared birthday list of all time. All i have is Angela Landsbury and Manute Bol. Tell me that wouldn’t be one hell of a party.
August 27th, 2005 at 9:51 pm
My sister has your birthday too. I think she’s gonna be distraught when I tell her she has something in common with Billy Ray Cyrus. It just might break her achey breaky heart.
Anyway, hope your birthday was the best ever.
August 28th, 2005 at 11:37 pm
Happy Birthday!! I have two friends who also share your birthday. Woo hoo for winter humping I guess.
August 29th, 2005 at 10:57 am
I’m late. As usual. Damn. Well, Happy Belated Birthday! You know, of course, that Henry will now take over the Birthday Kingdom and your birthday will be a much less appreciated noteworthy moment in time, don’t you, Dad? It’s just the way it goes…
August 29th, 2005 at 2:06 pm
Eh, it’s fine. I’ve basically got nothing else to celebrate now that thirty’s behind me, so no harm, no foul.
August 30th, 2005 at 7:38 am
I can’t believe you don’t know how Rachel Ray is? Ugh. This is your new homework assignment!
Oh, and Happy Birthday, too!
September 5th, 2005 at 5:15 pm
Just a casual reader here. I feel I should mention that Joanne Whalley went to my high school, and is from the same village as me. Her Mum used to work in a local fish and chips shop. (Manchester, England)