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god I love you, late night TV
By briantologist | November 22, 2005
So far, during “Steel,” wherein Shaquille O’Neal plays a gigantic crime-fighter named “John Henry Irons”:
• A street gang has robbed a bank using futuristic weapons
• A very long chase has taken full advantage of its fast-paced setting: switching time at the train yard
• Shaq has exhibited numerous feats of strength, including freeing Annabeth Gish from a VA hospital in St. Louis
• Judd Nelson apparently portrays a corrupt video arcade proprietor
• Annabeth Gish has triumphed over her disability at Shaq’s junkyard/laboratory during a roughly four-minute scene in which she falls out of her wheelchair, then climbs back up into it, resulting in a hearty thumbs-up from Shaq’s Uncle Joe, played by Richard “John Fucking Shaft” Roundtree
• Shaq just made SOL FUCKING STARR FROM DEADWOOD give back the stuff he mugged from a couple on their way to an opera, one slated for downtown Los Angeles in the middle of the night
• OH MY GOD JOHN SHAFT JUST ISSUED SHAQ A GIANT SLEDGEHAMMER
From the IMDB user comments on “Steel”: “I’ve seen Steel, and I’ll never recover.”
What has two thumbs and just Tivoed “Steel”? This guy.
UPDATE: They totally just made an in-joke about Shaq’s inability to hit free throws.
Topics: Reflections From the Bottom Rung | 9 Comments »
November 23rd, 2005 at 2:47 am
Are you drunk?
November 23rd, 2005 at 7:33 am
I think it’s perfectly obvious that he is.
November 23rd, 2005 at 10:17 am
I wish I’d been drunker.
November 23rd, 2005 at 4:43 pm
God, I will never get sick of that “This Guy!” joke.
November 23rd, 2005 at 5:41 pm
OMG ME EITHER! Seriously, the first time I heard it was 50 minutes into “Insomnia,” when that quiet deputy who’d had like four lines the entire movie busted it out when they were in the bar celebrating. Absolutely the high point of that movie, as far as I’m concerned.
November 23rd, 2005 at 7:40 pm
BUT did it have a scene wherein a small child asked a cop “can I see your gun?”
November 23rd, 2005 at 11:09 pm
Sadly, I think Robin Williams had that line in that movie. Which is even worse.
November 24th, 2005 at 9:17 pm
My version of “This Guy” joke is when something bad happens and I say “know what I hate? That!” Yeah, I’m a fucking laugh a minute over here.
November 28th, 2005 at 8:48 am
Sol is also Benny “I NEVER SAID ‘HELP US’!!!” from Dusk Till Dawn. That’s the best scene in the whole movie.