« Our dear old retarded step-cousin | Home | Help a brothers out »
“Look, what am I supposed to do here?”
By briantologist | June 22, 2006
There’s a woman in the neighborhood who’s always walking a pair of wiener dogs. Yesterday I saw one of them taking a wiener dog dump, and you know that look dogs get on their faces when they’re taking a dump in public? The one where it’s suddenly clear that they are acutely aware of the fact that they are performing Old Number Two in an extremely public place in front of God and everybody, and are fairly ashamed of that fact, but Jesus Christ do they ever have to take a dig, so here goes, right on the street corner? And you know that similarly hilarious posture they take, where they’re squatting, with their backs arched, and it seems like every muscle in their dog bodies is clenched as tight as possible?
One thing that makes that look and that posture like five times funnier is when it’s a wiener dog doing it.
Topics: Poop Jokes, Thinkin'. | 12 Comments »
June 22nd, 2006 at 2:28 pm
Weiner dogs are hilarious. Ivy, our resident dog, had ass pockets (no, not for her dyke wallet) which EXPLODED. For real. Twice in a month (one time each pocket). Poor thing.
Do humans have ass pockets? That explode?
You better watch out, that weinie dogs’ ass pockets might explode on your porch!
June 22nd, 2006 at 2:40 pm
When I was a kid, my dad and I saw a dog in that posture, and in a tone of extreme disgust, my dad growled, “Look at that fucken mongoose.”
To this day, that is still one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard.
June 22nd, 2006 at 3:29 pm
Funny observations as always.
My girlfriend and I had a conversation about this a while back. It’s true, they do look acutely aware and embarassed, about what they’re doing. Especially dachshunds. “God this is soooo undignified! But this bastard keeps me couped up all day and I just gotta go! No more holding it in! Why oh why can’t I have a little privacy!”
George Carlin noted years ago that dogs look a bit like humans because of their eyebrows, or at least the little ridge that looks like an eyebrow. It permits them a particular expressiveness. Cats on the other hand don’t have eyebrows, but instead have a bunch of shit sticking out of their faces that they wished was an eyebrow.
Ass pockets?? Hmmm… anything like hamsters’ cheek pouches?
June 22nd, 2006 at 4:17 pm
I have two weiner dogs. Any time you would like to drop by and take them out for a demonstration you are most welcome.
June 22nd, 2006 at 9:26 pm
this is all you have to report on? chicago must be pretty boring. come back to tulsa. come back….come back…
June 22nd, 2006 at 11:46 pm
Anal glands! The poor creatures – the indignity!. Best that the vet “express” them because you don’t want to be any where near the scent – except they usually make you hold the poor creature – be it daschund, terrier, whatever. It can happen! And yes, uck to the ultimate. And the face they make, and the posture – true of daschunds and true of other doglets too. I read this NYC weblog where the author yearned to release all leashed and collared dogs … free to be their wild selves
! (Um .. that means hanging on their own doorsteps waiting for chow!) .. love dogs! Love cats! Love critters! Way more than humans I think.
June 22nd, 2006 at 11:49 pm
P.S. does the daschund woman “pick up”? .. If I didn’t there would be feces thrown at my door and at my car and probably at me. Picking up in suburbia/city is the only way to go. Gotta purchase those “Doggie Mitts” from somewhere in Kentucky where I am sure they are making a fortune on us dumb peeps.
June 23rd, 2006 at 7:23 am
I beg to differ. Watching a pug poo is like watching a furred ham fold itself in half and then squeeze toothpaste out it’s ass, all the while looking like a little retarded kid who doesn’t understand what’s going on with his body. And then the coup de grace is that sometimes he turns around and EATS IT.
Winston sends his love, by the way.
June 23rd, 2006 at 8:26 am
Oh, she picks up. Everybody picks up, almost.
Not coming back.
June 23rd, 2006 at 9:25 am
Dame Judy’s comment slayeth me. I sit, dead at my computer from the funny.
June 23rd, 2006 at 9:50 am
When my girls were little and not yet potty trained, I could always tell when my youngest was unloading. She would suddenly get very serious and we would watch her face change different shades until it eventually became purple.
We thought it was funny to imagine a world where humans were unable to be potty trained and even the adults just sat and shat wherever they were in their diapers. The guys would all pull out their newpapers and I’m assuming the fluffier girls would have some kind of fashionable pink diaper/thong they wore just under their asshat tattoos.
June 23rd, 2006 at 9:58 am
Dame Judy’s comment totally cracked me up too! FURRED HAM!!!!!!!