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Ms. Read
By briantologist | December 6, 2006
So I don’t guess this happens to everybody as often as it happens to me, or maybe it does happen to everybody as often as it does to me, and everybody’s a little better about not talking about stupid shit than I am. Regardless, I am virtually pummelled day after day by text I misread at first glance, and phrases I hear incorrectly at first. The second thing is easily explainable, as some nerve damage in both ears has led to years of aural hilarity (“Good morning.” “What the fuck do you mean I’m boring?”). The misreading thing remains a mystery.
A deeply entertaining mystery, though, as the way I misread things is generally a lot funnier than the way they’re actually set. I was in St. Louis visiting my esteemed colleague Max Power, and they live by a street called “Old Ballas Road,” and I’ll let you figure out how I misread that one, and how hard I laugh upon even a passing mention of it.
It just recently occurred to me that I oughta be writing this shit down, since most of it’s a lot more entertaining than the stuff I come up with on purpose. And so today I’d like to tell you about a cab company here in Chicago called Global Taxi Association that abbreviates their name as follows when it appears on the doors of their vehicles:
Actual Text:
Global Taxi Assn.
Misread As:
Global Taxi Assassin
Which I think would make a very fine band name indeed.
Topics: misheard/misread | 8 Comments »
December 6th, 2006 at 12:32 pm
I do this ALL THE TIME. Of course I can’t think of any examples right now, but that may be because I’m still laughing my face off at “Old Ballas Road.”
December 7th, 2006 at 1:56 am
CNN.com had a story about a mom and son who pretended the kid was retarded and scammed $200K from somebody. The headline for the video of the story just said “Faking retarded.” When I first glanced at the page, I thought the story was called “Fucking retarded,” which seemed like a really strong, yet refreshing stance for CNN to take.
December 7th, 2006 at 8:55 am
I continually mishear my husband’s comments – perhaps the finest instance of this occured whilst on our honeymoon flying over Maui.. what he said: This Island’s Big! what I heard: Silence Pig!
December 7th, 2006 at 8:58 am
el fudge remains a grocery store favorite.
December 7th, 2006 at 10:03 am
See, just now I misread your phrase “very fine band name” as “very fine brand name.” I wonder what the Global Taxi Assassin logo would look like.
December 8th, 2006 at 1:26 pm
For a logo, I’m picturing a ninja sneaking up behind some poor, unsuspecting taxicab…
December 10th, 2006 at 4:48 pm
I just saw those cabs last night and read it exactly the same way you did. I mis-read stuff all the time.
December 19th, 2006 at 3:48 pm
Global Taxi Assassin.
You know, this would be the perfect title for yet another Grand Theft Auto sequel. Why? In addition to keeping with the popular theme of murderous carjacking, cool geeks (like us) can abbreviate it GTA:GTA.
Oh yeah, and when my mom was really into Garth Brooks several years back, she bought his album “Ropin’ the Wind” and I was certain it was called “Rippin’ the Wind”, which would have been much more appropriate anyway.