« Go Ironmen!! | Home | fascinating »
Dear American Idol,
By ELB | March 27, 2007
Ok Idol, I was stoked about Stefani night, but it really turned out to be boring night. I guess it’s because she left her comfort women at home. Stefani’s pretty and all, but you have to admit that she’s not exactly blessed with a golden voice. You know that when she heard Mindy Doo belt out the Summer, she was all, “Uh, yeah, but I’m married to the guy from Bush and I have a neck.” Still, you know that when she got home she had her geisha harem douse her in freezing water and whip her with oak branches.
Idol, you need to put me in charge of the playlist. Here’s what I have in mind for ELB Idol X-Travaganza. Go!
Curly Christ: “Soldiers Under Command” by Stryper
Gina G: “Ooh, Ah…Just a Little Bit” by Gina G
Beatbox: “Shake Your Rump” by the Beastie Boys
‘Kisha: “I’ve Never Been to Me” by Charlene
Mindy Doo: “My Neck, My Back” by Khia
Haylie the Vast Wasteland: “Don’t Cry Out Loud” by Miss Melissa Manchester
Hula Fruit: “Iesha” by Another Bad Creation
Ugly Betty Jordin: “Bad Babysitter” by Princess Superstar
Baldy McTribly: “America, We Stand as One” by Dennis Madalone
TimberFake: “Faded” by Soul Decision (A Canadian Favorite!)
Yeah, you call me, Idol. I’ll tear your shit up!
Keep it real,
elb
p.s. A special shout out to my Dude and SarahBrown for suggesting fresh tunes.
Topics: 'Murkin Idol, Television | 6 Comments »
March 28th, 2007 at 8:13 am
When Seacrest announced that there’d be a Cure song, Michelle and I KNEW that Beatbox was gonna be singing “Lovesong” because shitty-ass 311 had already sprayed their reggae jizz all over it. His version did nothing to top Robert Smith, which is really sad, because Fat Bob can’t sing.
And kudos to Gina G. for not oversinging the Pretenders’ song.
March 28th, 2007 at 8:18 am
I fell in love with Gina G last night.
March 28th, 2007 at 10:13 am
Gina really needs to quit with the “rock” and stick to the “easy-listening with a tiny bit of edge” songs she does the best.
Blake put me to sleep last night. He couldn’t have picked a decent Cure song?
March 28th, 2007 at 12:10 pm
Elb, it’s good to see you posting again. I hope you keep it up, especially with Idol critiques because I’m obsessed with that show.
March 31st, 2007 at 7:29 pm
“comfort women” and “geisha harem” ?!
…oh, forget it.
April 4th, 2007 at 5:55 pm
I just found your site today. I love your names for the contestants! And Beatbox boy totally needs to do a Beatie Boys song.