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U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!
By briantologist | June 27, 2007
Currently we’re enjoying a holiday in scenic Baltimer, MD, home of crab cakes, John Waters, “The Wire,” and E’s dad. This comes on the heels of some hot convention action E had in our nation’s capital, so naturally we took advantage. Did you know it costs like $109 with tax, round-trip, to fly from Chicago to Baltimore? Did you know that $1,000 is nearly ten times that amount? That’s how much it costs to fly a family of three from Chicago to fucking Tulsa, which, on balance, is at best an equally desirable destination to scenic Baltimer, even taking into account that one in ten people here are actual honest-to-god drug addicts.
But I digress into well-worn territory. Anyway, today we took a delightful light rail/commuter rail/D.C. Metro trip to the Holocaust Museum, and wow, it was about like you’d think. You should absolutely see it, and then think for a while about why the nations of our world are so hesitant to call genocide genocide, and to take steps to stop it from happening, until it’s too late to do any real good. Maybe you’ll come up with a good answer; I only came up with abject horror and disgust with myself and my fellow humans.
Four hours, we spent in the Holocaust Museum. And then we remembered we were starving (NOTE: Wow! It took me days to realize what a retarded thing that is to say! Hi, I have very little self-awareness!), and went looking for a non-hot dog cart eating establishment, and all we could find was the restaurant at this establishment, which technically was not a hot dog cart. So our sweaty asses had us some late-afternoon lunch at a preposterously posh eating establishment, and to their credit, they were perfectly pleasant to us despite my sweatiness and my shorts and my general sloveinliness, which for my money is the mark of a truly classy joint: The willingness to extend the benefit of the doubt, even to people who do not show up dressed particularly well. Hats off to you, Mandarin, and to your sprawling view of the highway.
Yeah, so in conclusion, it is fucking humid as fuck in D.C., and in Baltimore. Like Tulsa humid. I mean, it had gotten humid just before I left Chicago for here, but this is like, humid humid. Like Africa hot. Sheese.
Pictures are forthcoming; I forgot to bring the camera cable, so you’ll just have to sit and anticipate the look you’ll get at the subway system in our nation’s capital, which is seriously so late ’70s/early ’80s futuristic that I found myself constantly looking for Charlton Heston to come charging out in white coveralls, pursued by … I don’t know, geneticists or some shit. Fuck.
Topics: Baffled Mutterings, Exciting, Possibly, Existential Horror | 12 Comments »
June 28th, 2007 at 7:06 am
Hey, good work coming during the hottest week yet…
Also, home of me; if you’re going to be anywhere near Fells Point tonight, holla, I’ll buy you a beer. You’ll have to share it, though, I’m sorta poor.
June 28th, 2007 at 9:32 am
Yeah, I went to that mueseum as well, and about half way through I kept think they needed a little stand where you could look at flowers and maybe pet a puppy, just so you know there is still life and beauty in the world. And we couldn’t find food near there either, we ended up asking a cab driver to take us to his favorite chinease place.
June 28th, 2007 at 1:32 pm
DC/VA/MD INVENTED muthafuckin’ humidity.
June 28th, 2007 at 2:37 pm
Um. Yeah. It’s a wee bit muggy here. So you ate ate effing CityZen? The most expensive restaurant in the whole friggin city? True, there ain’t a lot around there to walk to if you don’t want a half smoke and a “You Don’t Know Me” t-shirt. (3 for $10!)As for our metro system? My NY city friends think it’s like an Epcot ride.
June 28th, 2007 at 6:07 pm
Exciting update: I will be at the Waterfront Hotel on Thames Street from 9-whenever I get thrown out… my friend Tony is in an awesome cover band (I know, right?) every Thursday. And they say Baltimore isn’t exciting. BELIEVE, BITCHES!!!
June 28th, 2007 at 8:55 pm
Man, if we hadn’t totally immobilized ourselves with a gigantic dinner, Erin would probably still be asleep. But I damn well might have made a half-assed effort to get out of the house. Except I don’t know my way around, so I probably would’ve ended up popping wheelies on ATVs like the two young bloods we drove behind out by Pimlico on the way home. That was by far the highlight of our trip thus far.
Also, humidity may have been invented out here, but it was perfected in the Oklahoma/Texas corridor. We made it an art and a science.
June 29th, 2007 at 7:09 am
It was a good set, what with the Prince and the Billy Idol, but the periodic downpours probably would’ve made the navigation that much harder…
July 2nd, 2007 at 9:11 am
Oh man, I know you were busy with family and stuff, but you do realize I’m only 1.5 hours from DC, right? It’s basically next door. Dang. Next time.
July 2nd, 2007 at 10:57 am
I’m not really sure you guys know from humid. We here are only trumped by New Orleans and the Armpit of Florida (Gainesville).
I guess the distance between D.C. and Richmond is relative NOW. When “the South rises again,” they’ll have to pick a different city to be its capital.
July 4th, 2007 at 8:28 pm
The thing that got me was the walkway that was like a bridge and on either side were all of those shoes.
July 4th, 2007 at 9:38 pm
Shit, Styro, that totally never occurred to me. Goddammit. I have like, no grasp whatsoever of the geography of the entire east coast. I know Massachusetts and New York are somewhere over there, I know Maine’s up top, and I know Georgia and the Carolinas are on top of Florida. But everything in between is one big blur.
Fortunately, air fares are pretty cheap between here and Baltimer ($109 round-trip! With taxes ‘n’ shit!), so I’m pretty sure we’ll be back.
July 6th, 2007 at 9:02 am
WHEE! Next time y’all can come visit me in the capital of the confederacy! We’ll ride mopeds and take Bean for a dip in the Mighty James River, and uh, go see some battleground parks and stuff. Or I can come to DC and we can ride the metro back and forth for hours on end. I loves me the metro!