byrneunit

I rarely know what you’re talking about.

Ten! Ah-ah-ah!

Person* #10: Sal
You were the cat that made me love cats. You’d come take naps on me when I visited E in Norman, and you demanded love endlessly, and gave headless birds in return.
* — Cat.

Nine! Ah-ah-ah!

NOTE: Look, you may have to get used to these being late. I’m catching up. Things have been busy. SCROOO YOOOU FAH JUDGIN’ MEEEEE!!!
Person #9: Dr. JGW
It was because I was determined to make you stop giving me C’s that I started to really focus on English literature, or really anything, for that matter. [...]

Eight! Ah-ah-ah!

Person #8 Dr. Tom McDonald
Absolutely my favorite professor from my entire college career, and I didn’t even end up majoring in your field (psychology). I learned a ton from you, and you were a terrific person.

Seven! Ah-ah-ah!

Person #7: Scary Church Day Care Lady
You were hulking and old and wore a half-inch of pale blue eye shadow. The only thing I remember about you is you saying to someone, “DID YOU POO-POO IN YOAH PAINTS?”

Six! Ah-ah-ah!

Person #6: Eddie Van Halen
I bought my first guitar because of you, and by the time I realized I’d never play like you, it was too late. Sorry about the cancer and the scary skull face.

Five! Ah-ah-ah!

NOTE: It only took me five days to drop the ball on this one when it came to posting one of these every day. Good work, me. So, yes, let’s all pretend I wrote this yesterday.
Person #5: (not named.)
We were an all-in-one crash course in bad relationships. As terribly as you treated me, I wasn’t [...]

Four! Ah-ah-ah!

Person #4. Greg Wiggle
Erin has a crush on you; Henry loves your show and your music. I like what your show has done for our household. You keep your goddamn wiggly hands off my wife.

Dear Editor,

NOTE: Dude, there’s totally a TU-OU game on ESPN2 tonight! In HD! So obviously we’re watching. Except there’s this nagging problem with the coverage, which resulted in the following irritated e-mail from me to ESPN:
I’ve been tuned into the TU-OU game for half an hour now, and I’ve heard approximately 2 minutes of announcing related [...]

also!

Kinda fun!

I’m including states I’ve driven through but not actually visited, only so I can appear less poorly traveled.

Three! Ah-ah-ah!

Person #3: Mrs. Orme
You insisted I was a great writer in high school, when I couldn’t possibly have been. You loaned me several Stephen King books, and they always smelled like smoke, which I loved.

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