« grind, grind, grind | Home | Full disclosure »
Not so fast there, soap opera
By ELB | October 25, 2007
Hey, guess what. I still don’t have a job. Fortunately I just got my nerve medication refilled — had to get in there fast before my health insurance lapsed– and I still have my kind aquaintance, As the World Turns. I haven’t hopped over to Oakdale for a while because, once Noah showed up at the hospital and promised Luke he’d be his everything, they weren’t on for weeks. Instead there are all these other people standing around talking, including this one dark-haired girl who has been hanging out in some courtyard for days. Finally this terrifying woman showed up and told her something; she seemed concerned. Thank god!
Luke eventually showed up at his parents’ house, or ranch? There was more talking, then Noah came over without calling first. It was OK, everyone on TV knows that phones are useless and the best way to tell someone that you never want to see them again, or you’ve decided to go ahead with the Colbyco, Oil Co. deal, is in person. Why, in fact, while Luke and Noah were stargazing, Maddie showed up to tell them she was considering going back to school. Considering, she hadn’t made her mind up yet. Catch’ya later, guys!
But Noah had only sweet things to say to his crippled beau. They held hands and promised to continue to be one another’s everything. It’s interesting the way it’ll be one day for weeks on end, then it jumps and you have no idea how much time has passed. Luke is buzzing along in his wheelchair with a folder full of “physical therapy excercises” in his lap, talking about how he may never walk again. Like the hospital was all, “Well, son, here’s your after-care information. Remember, hit-on-the-head-so-it-fucks-up-your-spina-bifida is very serious. Take these sheets of paper, put them a 3-ring binder, and make sure to do the exercises for at least 20 minutes a day. Good luck!”
But I’m not here to talk about the man in motion. I’m here to talk about this guy:
Now, I know I’ve only been watching ATWT for a few weeks now, and that doesn’t even count since I fast forward through the entire episode, save the Luke and Noah parts, though I have noticed that Luke’s mom is always wearing a red shirt. But who is this complete and utter homosexualist, Henry Coleman?
For real, Internet, you have to take a moment from your life and watch ATWT until this dude in his sherbet striped button down plops down and is all, “Er ma gur! Katie and Jack broke-up?!”
In today’s episode his draggy fiancee looked deep into his eyes and told him she wanted to have his fey babies. His first reaction was to jump up and start spot cleaning the linoleum. I don’t even remember what excuse he gave her for not wanting to be naked in the same room with her, but she seems to have bought it because she went off to bake a cake so that they could properly celebrate Maddie’s decision to maybe, maybe, go back to college. Did I mention that she was wearing this one-sleeved tight shirt thing? It might have been a dress. It might have been her cake-baking dress. I get the feeling that if Henry and Vienna (yeah, her name is Vienna) ever left the diner, their home would be a lot like this:
Topics: ATWT, Television | 4 Comments »
October 25th, 2007 at 12:33 pm
When Henry first arrived in Oakdale, he dressed in drag…a lot. One time even in pregnant lady drag! Apparently somewhere along the way the writers thought to pretend that he was straight. It was a sad day.
October 25th, 2007 at 12:56 pm
Shut up! Are you for real? As I was writing that I thought maybe, somewhere in the backstory, Henry had been a woman or something, so I checked his bio page on Soap Net. There was a list of crimes committed, but no mention of man love.
October 25th, 2007 at 11:14 pm
Madame’s Place. Oh my. And I had forgotten all about that. Thanks a whole heck of a lot.
October 27th, 2007 at 9:34 am
BABY CORY FELDMAN!