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day three
By briantologist | November 27, 2007
We’re up to 72 hours of crippling nausea and a lower intestinal condition I’ve taken to calling “Squanto’s Revenge,” in honor of its proximity to Thanksgiving, and it hasn’t improved nearly as much as I’d have liked.
Observations:
- Though their active ingredients are exactly the same, Kaopectate has proven significantly less ineffective than Pepto-Bismol. I can only assume this is due to its color and flavor. Or because every time I take it, I think of this commercial for it that aired when I was a kid, and it had this Mexican family vacationing at what appeared to be Disneyland and talking about getting the shits from eating (FIRST KID:) “Hot doOOOoogs!”; (SECOND KID:) “Fried CHEEKin!” and then taking “Kaopectate: De diarrhea especialeest!” and in retrospect the whole things seems almost quietly, cleverly subversive, what with the whole “Don’t drink the water in Mexico!” thing.
- I know there was a time in my life when I ate things other than biscuits from a can, toast, and red Gatorade, but I will be goddamned if I can quite remember when that was.
- It’s a goddamn good thing Tiny E doesn’t have a day gig these days, because Henry sure was home sick today, and I’m pretty sure he needed something other than to sit on me and watch “Thomas the Tank Engine” for three hours, and I’m positive it was not me who did these things for him.
- I love me some Drew Carey. Drew Carey is a funny, funny, funny guy. But if the 90 seconds I saw of “The Price is Right” (now hosted by same) are any indicator, his new ship is listing badly. Bail out, Drew. Create a diversion and slip out the fire exit.
- This is yet another in a series of back-dated posts. I am now spending NaBloPoMo living exactly one day in the past. Sorry, Ethel.
- Shouldn’t I have lost at least a little weight? I mean, I can’t keep fucking water in my body, for chrissake, much less solid food. You’d think I could at least look a little less like a fatass.
Dear Sweet Baby Jesus, my fucking guts.
Topics: Laments, NaBloPoMo | 2 Comments »
November 29th, 2007 at 12:20 am
ImmodiumAD is my diarrhea medicine of choice. Of course, if you have food poisoning, you’ll probably want to avoid such things, cuz they just keep the bugs in your system when what you really need to do is shit them all out.
November 29th, 2007 at 1:18 am
oh noes! Gatorade actually makes it worse sometimes (sugar fuels the poo bugs), but it’s actually the only thing that sounds 1/2 way decent to drink when you’re blorching out your ass.
The worst part of Squanto’s Revenge is, of course, the way that toilet paper seems to get rougher and rougher and springs splinters and schrapnel. Oy.
Get better already. Let someone else use the bathroom for a change.