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at every occasion I’ll be ready for a funeral
By briantologist | January 21, 2008
It went well, I thought. The flight to Albany seemed to go incredibly quick; I barely had a chance to finish my beer before we started our descent. I met my esteemed sister at the car rental counter and guiltily stood aside while she did all the driving, what with my license currently being in custody of the fucking Chicago P.D.
Esteemed sister Jenny and I got to the viewing a little late, and so when, moments after arriving, they pretty much put a casket handle in my hand, I suppose guilt and bafflement sort of canceled each other out. I don’t know where unexpected pallbearing falls on the grand universal scale of dubious surprises, and I won’t parse things too much here. I’ll only say that I was honored, and that I was relieved my three gigantic athlete cousins (and one mid-sized athlete cousin) were also holding things up. They balanced out me and the sixth cousin, representatives of poor dietary choices.
I’d never been to a Catholic funeral before. Gran vied with John Paul II for sheer Catholicity, and the Utica Byrnes didn’t fall far from the tree. My dad has a long, proud, fiery and bitter history of disagreements with the Church of Rome, and after a few disastrous early attempts to make Jenny and me at least pass for Catholic, he and the family apparently agreed to disagree, leaving we offspring free to engage in rampant Protestantism before finally settling into a proper Secular Humanist lifestyle.
All of which is to say that my quadriceps are most definitely not suited for kneeling at length. Largely due to my work in radio, however, I am well suited indeed to learning, 20 seconds before the fact, that I will be reading a lengthy scripture at my Grandmother’s funeral, and so when that happened, I was able to carry it off pretty well, I thought. At that point I wouldn’t have been entirely surprised to learn I’d be personally responsible for digging her grave by hand as the bereaved stood around patiently waiting in the 20-degree air, but as yet I have not received notice of said.
It was very sweet. Everybody was kind of happy, which would be odd except it’s not odd at all. Gran was, as mentioned before, in declining health, and living had gotten to be a struggle for her. As they said at the funeral, she’d have been thrilled to come face to face with the capital-G God she’d been talking to all these years, and as I have no proof to the contrary, it’s comforting to believe that’s how things panned out.
All of it was lovely. Utica was a trip of a trip, and I hope to not forget to write a little more about it soon. (Pictures are here!)
In the meantime, job starts today! At 1 p.m., no less; the people I’ll be training with are in meetings all morning, so there’s no point to me coming in sooner. I am totally OK with this. Did I mention I’m gonna have an office? (Shared with one or two other people, eventually, but still.) Did I mention that office has a brand new iMac for me to use? Hi, I’m crapping my pants already. Good times.
Oh yeah: Thanks for your kindness, everyone. It’s good of you to indulge me.
Topics: Baffled Mutterings | 6 Comments »
January 21st, 2008 at 10:21 am
“…she’d have been thrilled to come face to face with the capital-G God she’d been talking to all these years, and as I have no proof to the contrary, it’s comforting to believe that’s how things panned out.”
That’s beautiful. May she rest in peace. Good luck at the new job.
January 21st, 2008 at 1:16 pm
One brilliant day funeral.
Good luck on both accounts.
January 21st, 2008 at 1:40 pm
You said “at that point I wouldn’t have been entirely surprised to learn I’d be personally responsible for digging her grave by hand as the bereaved stood around patiently waiting in the 20-degree air, but as yet I have not received notice of said.”
Ha!
I don’t think it’s weird that everyone was sort of happy. There’s something happy-making about coming together to celebrate the life of someone you all loved.
Good luck with the job! Try not to crap your pants right away!
January 21st, 2008 at 2:56 pm
sorry to hear about your grandma, but i’m glad your trip went well. and congrats on the new job!
January 21st, 2008 at 6:16 pm
It’s a real test of character when the universe shoves one of the best things and one of the worst things down the hill at the same time and ding! you have to catch them both. And be funny about them on the Internet. Well done!
(This comment belies the fact that what you wrote about your Grandma was actually quite touching.)
January 21st, 2008 at 10:14 pm
When I was 13, I had that distinct-yet-awkward honor–shared with a couple cousins and uncles–of pall bearing at my grandmother’s funeral. Having been heavily involved with the Boy Scouts of America at the time, I asked my mother in a slightly cracking pubertified/sorta-crying voice if I was going to get a “merit badge type thing” in recognition for my service.
Such lovely, superhuman folks paternal grandmothers are, yes, in that they may actually be capable of defying physics and such, and laugh heartily at (with?) their grandsons, during their own funerals.
Love ya, Brian.