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She’s wise, because she’s from the Mysterious East
By ELB | February 25, 2008
Here we go with the Muslim girl. Turns out that, since Noah isn’t allowed a bed in the home he was invited to stay in, he and Muslim girl have to share the parlor. Ease up, now. No funny business. No, they stopped short of bundling and hung up a sheet. “It was all very ‘It Happened One Night’.” Thanks, gaybo. You know, I might have to check your cred because for a gay who claims to be into old movies, you have not once mentioned Barbara Stanwyck.
They skip into the kitchen all, “Did you sleep ok?” “Yeah, did yoooou sleep ok?” Luke is at the table, a flash flickers across his golden face. Could there be trouble on the horizon for Oakdale’s Kleenest Teens? Is this tramp looking to get in the way of their true, pure love? Surely not.
See, Muslim girl is from Islamia, and there men and women are not allowed to share a room unless they are married. But since Noah is about the most sexless dude I’ve ever laid eyes on, sharing a parlor with him is really no problem.
Then Luke jumps in and is all, SO! Whattaya gonna do now? “I totally plan on skipping school,” Noah snaps back, and it 100% does not matter that he’ll miss the Big Television Production Workshop. He has to stay with Muslim girl in case she wanders off and gets sold into indentured servitude.
He offers to squire her around down and “show her the ropes.” Hey, Noah, maybe you don’t want to be talking about rope showing to Islamian ladies who show up at your house, asking to sleep in your parlor. Noah promises that once she sees the real Oakdale, not that tourist shit that everyone else sees, she’ll never want to leave and go back to Bahgdad. Where there’s a price on her head.
Later, in the Olde Towne shopping centre, Noah wonders if he’s walking too fast for her delicate lady legs to keep up. No, she explains, in Islamia women must walk behind their dudes. For real, internet, I think we can all agree that we are learning some really valuable lessons about what it means to be a fake Muslim woman on a soundstage.
Her eyes glitter at the sight of so many books! “People can read what they want without fear of the censors.”
Ok, ATWT, what’s going on here? Why are you getting all topical? You can’t show me The Ghosts of Oakdale Ghraib on one day, and Ventriloquist Dummy Convinces Guy to Kill Carly on another day. Oh, but there is the whole Vienna Steps out on Henry and Steals a Necklace story. That one has promise.
Muslim girl tells Noah how awesome his dad was to her and her mom, how he saved their lives, and gave them money. But Noah refuses to believe these LIES! His dad’s a prick! It’s like they know two different Col. Mayers!
Has anyone seen these new Guiding Light ads? They’re turning that shit out. It must be working though, because I’ve definitely taken notice of GL. Did it go on sabbatical or something? Is this the new version, GL2010?
Ok, this Muslim girl, if you can even call her that, definitely has something up her burqua. They’re at the cafe and the furnace (Furnace?) makes a car bomb-ish sound, so Muslim girl goes all Born on the Fourth of July and dives under the table. Maybe it’s time our boys take her home.
Once they get back to the kitchen of Snyder Farm, they talk about something. I dunno, prejudice, hardship, understanding. Could be anything. Then I guess it’s time for her to pray, so Luke and Noah step outside for more sexless stall mucking, and she steps over to the window all, “I see you walkin’ over there. You don’t know it yet, but I’m starting a fierce-ass splinter cell right here in Oakdale.”
Guys, the shit’s about to jump off in Oakdale.
Topics: ATWT, Television | 5 Comments »
February 25th, 2008 at 9:53 pm
I think that is what I love about ATWT–the attempt to pair murderous puppets with topical concerns.
Guiding Light’s new ads are an attempt to keep from getting canceled which they have been in danger of the past few years. Sadly, a new outdoor set does not make GL suck any less.
February 26th, 2008 at 9:55 am
For a second, with the murderous puppet storyline, I thought I was watching Passions.
February 26th, 2008 at 10:25 am
Yeah, but it’s like Passions without the nuance.
February 26th, 2008 at 9:02 pm
All this talk of of my Muslim sisters on daytime television is making me want to Tivo and watch–and I haven’t been up to date since it used to be a lunchtime thing at our student center back in the day in college. It’s also fun to see that your posts are prompting links to Muslim matrimonial websites on your sidebar. Maybe hijab girl can find herself a nice muslim doctor in Oakdale that way. Thanks for hilarious recaps!
February 27th, 2008 at 7:29 am
For real, Salome, how optimistic of you to think there’s more than one Muslim in Oakdale, and a man Muslim at that. Not everyone knows it but Oakdale has some of the most severe sunset laws in Illinois. Doctors or not, Muslims aren’t allowed to just roam Oakdale. Why do you think Noah skipped his big televison production workshop?
Thanks for reading. xoxo