byrneunit

I rarely know what you’re talking about.

Shuffling on bloody stumps through Roscoe Village

Yesterday I had my Lady Professional interview, so I got all gussied up and, after getting some useless advice from my neighbor on which sweater to wear, I set off looking great. I felt great too, that is, until I had gotten four steps out of my front door.
My stylish new shoes were agony [...]

SYCORAX ROCK!

Ok, my mom’s finally gone and I have to get back to being a responsible adult. Special thanks to my mom for giving me the opportunity to dick around with my friends for three days. It was frankly magnificent. I feel fully re-energized and ready for my interview with Lady Professional, Inc. on Wednesday.
Before [...]

God, Mom. I’m on the PHONE!

My mom is in town right now and I have completely reverted back to being 17. Suddenly my child is actually my little brother who drives me crazy all day long. And then my mom takes me shopping and chases him around while I try on new clothes to match my hot, new bod. Her [...]

The time I showed my Barbies to a date

Three. I have three damn ATWTs waiting for me. I’m not sure I can take three in one night. Hopefully our gang has taken the week off. Oh, but no. There’s Noah studying on the porch. Remember, he’s just asked Muslim girl to be his wife-in-name-only. It looks like Luke and Noah are about to [...]

Remember when the Gay and the Muslim got married?

If you’ll remember, Muslim girl has been hauled into Homeland Security and is being made to sit in a waiting room. She does not appear to be shackled to the chair, but she is wearing very drapey clothes, so it is unclear.
Luke and Noah and Lily and Holden come busting in to save the [...]

The night they brought ol’ ELB down

Woah, so those two douchebags who were unloading groceries at the restaurant across town, now live together in a swingin’ bachelor pad we have not seen since the days when Baggy Austin Green moved into Steve’s ex-gf’s house. I believe he was roomies with both Dylan and Noah at different points in time.
Remember when Steve [...]

things I do not particularly feel like doing tonight

Locating a Torx T-6 screwdriver with which to undo two incredibly tiny screws inside my laptop so that I may replace its hard drive, which, at 100GB, somehow seemed plenty large to me in 2006.
Purchasing said.
Watching the four hours of “The Wire” taking up space on our DVR. Even though it’s a really good show.

Now [...]

three videos that have brought me some amount of happiness

1. The thrilling tale of how to properly apply your Illinois Department of Transportation I-PASS, set to a gripping, tense soundtrack. My favorite part may be when they illustrate, in the midst of a full-motion video, that one should not use I-PASS by waving it around in front of the windshield when approaching the toll [...]

things that are keeping my day from going completely down the crapper

This
Someone recently found our site while searching Google for “Buttafuoco Pants.”
The coffee I’m halfway through
Imagining the headline for this guy’s obit as “D&D Creator’s Hit Points Expire”

Trying times, people. And that goddamn Margarita from last night is not helping me one single bit.

things in the old-school Margarita I’m currently halfway through

3 parts tequila
2 parts Cointreau
1 part fresh lime juice
enough salt to cover the rim of the glass in question

While this old-school recipe did not include four Advil, taken just before bed, I cannot urge you strongly enough to include them if you decide to make this recipe yourself, which I cannot urge you strongly enough [...]

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