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The time I showed my Barbies to a date
By ELB | March 14, 2008
Three. I have three damn ATWTs waiting for me. I’m not sure I can take three in one night. Hopefully our gang has taken the week off. Oh, but no. There’s Noah studying on the porch. Remember, he’s just asked Muslim girl to be his wife-in-name-only. It looks like Luke and Noah are about to hit crush depth.
Luke is wearing a tucked in oxford shirt with a belt, telling Noah how proud he is to be in love with him because he’s saving an innocent life. Lame, he just told Noah that he was his hero. Barf.
Ew, now he’s “dirty talking” into Noah’s ear, whispering something about how his sham marraige to a Muslim girl might spice things up in the virtual bedroom that they’re never alone together in.
Woah, Lily comes bustin down the stairs all, “Muslim girl’s gone!” Oh, wait, there she is. She’s coming in from outside. Way to overreact there, Lily. But I gues you’d be jumpy too if you awoke to find your smoldering lover, Dusty Donovan, dead at her hospital bedside. All the while clutching a syringe containing traces of the toxic poisons now coursing through Dusty’s veins. Something like that happens and you aren’t soon to forget it.
Nice! The story cuts to another scene where these two people, dude and girl, are having a confrontation. The scene opens with the line, “I can’t believe you would try to put the moves on me at a time like this!” That line says so much, in so many languages. Oh, freak out! Now Gay Henry is tied to some shelving in what appears to be a garage. He’s being taunted by the cowboy ventriloquists dummy. This dummy thing is getting freaky. It’s gotten to the point where the guy who was originally watching the game, controlling it, is no longer in the picture. Yet Howdy Don’t is still hanging around causing mayhem. I don’t like this shit.
I’m sure I’ve told this story 1,000 times, but I love it so much, I’ll tell it again. Once my sister and I were at this antique store in Norman, and we had had Swirls at the Mont at lunch. I wonder if they still take checks? Those things knock you on your ass. I knew this because antother time I had one (1) date with this guy and we went to the Mont. I was so nervous that I sucked down three (3) Swirls and took him home to look at my Barbie collection. I was well aware of the Swirl power. Anyway, we were drunk in an antique store and we walked past this table full of crap, and underneath was what appeared to be a suitcase.
My sister kicked it and said, “Open that up and see what’s in there.” I opened it and there was a negroid ventriloquists dummy staring up at me, mouth all open, hair all wild. I screamed and jumped up in the air. Then Mandy screamed and jumped into the air. She did not know what was in the case any more than I did. I did not know this, so I turned on her, rudely shouting, “What the hell did you do that for!?” She stepped back, arms up defensively, “I didn’t know, I swear I didn’t know!”
I’m pretty sure that’s as close to a battlefield moment that I’ll ever have, and to know that I shared it with my sister, we were like the Fighting Sullivans there for a second.
God, in the meantime, Noah’s marrying Muslim girl in the backyard at what is supposed to be a non-denominational ceremony that looks pretty Protestant to me. This is only the first episode, you guys. I still have two more of these bad boys in the can. I might have to stagger this out for a while. I’ll try and catch up this weekend. There are only so many pained, goofy looks from Luke. They’ve cut the back of his hair, but he’s got these piece-y bangs that are killing the whole look for me.
Topics: ATWT, Television | 5 Comments »
March 15th, 2008 at 8:27 am
Way to slip a Chess reference in there. I don’t know if that was brilliant or pretentious. I’ll default to brilliant.
Also, your front page ad is for meninlove.com and you comment ad is togetherchristian.com.
March 17th, 2008 at 11:48 am
I completely missed the Chess reference.
OMG, my friend Steve and I used to drink Swirls ALL. THE. TIME. at Mi Cocina in Cowtown. Must be an Okie/NoTex thing.
March 17th, 2008 at 12:56 pm
OMFG – you’ve got singlemuslim.com ads! Is it because of all the ATWT Muslim talk? I love the picture in the ad. Tell me someone else is seeing this ad, too!
March 18th, 2008 at 1:11 pm
But is it really a Chess reference, or a “One Night in Bangkok” reference? The two are not, in my eyes, inextricably intertwined.
Or it could just be a flat-out Murray Head nod, if you’ll pardon the phrasing.
March 19th, 2008 at 10:17 am
AmeliaB.– yes! singlemuslim ad! keyword ads, you are so awesome.