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Imagine a big Tim McVeigh right in your face
By ELB | April 21, 2008
Yeah, so I just found out that the Seattle Supersonics are moving to Oklahoma City. Apparently this has been percolating for a while and I have just not been paying attention. Well, now I can’t stop thinking about it. You know why? I’ll tell you.
Hopefully the Sonics will change their names when the move to OKC, so as to avoid the patently ridiculous Utah Jazz syndrome, werein a team with a name that’s very specific to a state or region, moves to another state or region where the name doesn’t fit at all. How about the Lakers? They moved from Michigan, the Land of 1,000 Lakes, to Los Angeles. Land of no lakes.
But it doesn’t always have to be like this. The Houston Oilers moved to Nashville and changed their name to the Titans. Though the Grand Ol’ Oilers would have been acceptable. In order to avoid Utah Jazz syndrome, OKC should kick this ‘Sonics’ nonsense to the curb and call themselves the Oklahoma City Bombers.
Aren’t sports teams supposed to sound vicious? What’s more intimidating than domestic terrorism, bitches? Nothing. If they name that team the Oklahoma City Bombers, they will not only be owning the pain they have worn so proudly for the past 13 years, but they will strike fear into the heart of any Raptor or Timberwolf.
I can see it now: They’d have a giant Tim McVeigh mascot that closely resembles a converted Pistol Pete. Their dancing girls will have outfits that alternate between sexy orange prison jumpsuits (with hot shackle action), and tight T’s that say “The tree of liberty must be watered with the blood of patriots.”
They would be unstoppable. Oh, shit! What if they got Najera back?!
God, I would be so proud. You keep on doin’ fine Oklahoma.
Topics: good times., Stuff | 11 Comments »
April 21st, 2008 at 8:40 pm
Shit. Honestly, all this time I thought the Lakers were from Salt Lake City. Hence the name. But…that must be the Jazz. Hey, you’re right, it does make perfect sense.
Well, it just goes to show you I’m not that fat macho Coors-guzzlin’ crotch-scratchin’ yeeeeeaaaah-baaaaaaaabyyyy-screamin’ sports asshole you guys so often mistake me for.
April 21st, 2008 at 8:44 pm
Jury’s out on that one, Butthole.
April 22nd, 2008 at 9:54 am
There’s gotta be somewhere you can register this genius suggestion. I’m thinking one of the Oklahoma Morning Zoos has got to be running a contest…
April 22nd, 2008 at 11:03 am
The Sonics name is staying in Seattle; that was part of the deal. So in the Oklahoman last week they bandied about some suggestions for what the new team name will be. Some of them were really, really unfortunate. Behold:
The Chiefs
The Indians
The Boomers
The Tornado (few things are more irritating than singular team names)
The Barnstormers (I actually kinda like that one)
The Outlaws
The Toby Keith’s I Love This Team
The Reba McEntires
The Storm (see above re: singular)
The Stormchasers
The Twisters
April 22nd, 2008 at 1:39 pm
The Toby Keith’s I Love This Team is about the funniest thing I’ve ever heard. It’s right up there with an esteemed colleague of mine’s suggestion that we start an “I Hate This Bar and Grill” in Bricktown.
I think our home state’s team name should be The Ignorant State Legislators.
April 22nd, 2008 at 3:22 pm
Errr…Lakers from Minnesota, land of 10,000 lakes. Also the former home of the Dallas Stars, nee North Stars. Don’t even get me started on that one.
April 22nd, 2008 at 7:20 pm
Oh my God, they should the The James Garners!
April 22nd, 2008 at 9:26 pm
Well, the name staying is part of a deal that Seattle hasn’t agreed to… yet. If Seattle accepts the deal from the Sonics ownership to allow the team to buy out the lease with Key Arena this year instead of in 2010 when the lease is up, the name and history stays. If the city makes them play out the last two years of the lease, there will never be another NBA team in Seattle, much less one named the Sonics.
I have put my support behind the Fighting Prairie Dogs.
April 24th, 2008 at 5:53 pm
dude-i-lee-oo,
favorite site-specific team name? only one winner there, friend.
the artichokes. scottsdale community college. veeerrrrry spikey.
April 28th, 2008 at 10:37 am
I don’t know if yous guys were aware of this http://webserver1.lsb.state.ok.us/2007-08HB/HB1423_int.rtf, being expats and all. Makes me all swoll with pride. I bet this is because them Germans and Eye-tallians have all their signs up and refuse to speak English real good.
May 30th, 2008 at 11:42 am
Dude,
That big, fancy arena in OKC is mere blocks from the Sonic Drive-In World Headquarters. I say the name fits perfectly.
I can’t wait to be at a basketball game with a big, giant, plush Tater Tot roaming the stands.
Limeades for everybody!