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Buenos TARDIS!
By ELB | June 9, 2008
Brian told me today that he got an email from Blogher asking if we were ok. Yes, we’re ok. I can’t speak for Brian, but I’ve been a touch withdrawn lo, these last few months. With the help of Brian, my steadfast dude, I am inching my way out of the ass groove of, what HGB calls, my Thinking Chair. It’s really more like my Sulking Chair.
However, the recent addition of my own tiny toy TARDIS had improved my mood greatly. HGB now understands that, while he may hold mommy’s TARDIS, he may neither take it from the Sulking Chair or chew on its adorable dome light.
I carried it in my pocket — much like the TARDIS, my pocket it bigger on the inside — to a job interview last week. The TARDIS remained in my purse during the actual interview. Had I kept it on my person, there was an excellent chance that I would have clutched it in my lap, stroking it in a way that could easily be misconstrued. Nevertheless, the constant handling of my tiny toy TARDIS is causing it to have a realistically aged patina. Either that, or it’s going to become silky from constant exposure to my body’s natural oils. Like pearls, which I also wore to the interview.
When I’m not wondering why the actual TARDIS hasn’t come and picked me up yet, I snap at my child and read Torchwood/Doctor Who fan fiction. Since the first two on that list aren’t fun for anyone but me, reading Torchwood fan fiction has lasting appeal for all ages. That aside, there are certain literary motifs that I feel should be retired. Since I really can discuss these themes with the precision of a 5th level mage Chaucer scholar, I’ll just leave you with a list:
* ghosting hands
* steely blue orbs
* the freedom of anything from its tight cotton prison
* stories about two dudes who take candle light bubble baths together and drizzle one another with fondue while espousing their love for one another
* prostates
* pregnant dudes
* dudes who are duty-bound to adopt precious alien babies and raise them as their own
*use of prophylactics when one or more parties is immortal, though not undead. Not that prophylactics are needed when making tender man love to the undead.
* talk of civil partnership
* “The Welshman”
Thank you.
Topics: The Doctor, Torchwood | 6 Comments »
June 11th, 2008 at 6:59 am
I have no idea what “The Welshman” is, or refers to. Now I have to go consult the mighty oracle, Google.
It’s nice to know that you are fighting your way free of the Sulking Chair. I know how powerful its grip can be. Don’t give up — I fully expect to share a drink with you back in Tulsa someday.
June 11th, 2008 at 9:56 am
While we’re ranting about fanfic, can I just say I actually found a DW one that had the Doctor *losing his virginity* to Rose? What the fuck, dude? Um, 900 years old? Most incarnations = hot? Penchant for whisking pretty young women off in his sexy box of awesome? And it wasn’t even like “oh, we one mate once for life, blah blah blerg” which would be bad enough but it was all “oh, I just never got around to it.” WHAT? And jesus, at least WATCH some episodes, like, oh, I don’t know, “The Doctor Dances,” where he practically whips it out and beats Rose with it for implying that he’s asexual. Ok. Anyway.
On the flip side, can DW fic please ban bringing up his “900 years of experience” all the goddam time. Seriously.
Anyhow. Please feel better so we can blow shit up and get drunk on homebrew on the 4th.
June 11th, 2008 at 10:25 am
Oh, H, it’s so on. I’m buying some flip-flops. I hear they’re the best footwear for running away from homemade fireworks.
I can’t read about the Doctor getting nekkid. It just freaks me out.
June 11th, 2008 at 11:12 am
I’ve often wondered about the configuration of the Doctor’s junk. I mean, yeah, he looks human and all, but he’s bound to differ from us in more ways than just having two hearts…
June 12th, 2008 at 11:58 am
Dude! I’ve wondered about that (way too much) too! Part of me thinks maybe he doesn’t HAVE functional junk since Time Lords don’t reproduce sexually and all. But that would just wreck everything.
June 13th, 2008 at 2:35 pm
I didn’t know Time Lords don’t reproduce sexually, Miz H. That is a huge disappointment. So I went to Wikipedia to… er, bone up on my Time Lord physiology. Wow. The Who-niverse is so huge. I had no idea.
There’s no mention of lacking functional junk, and I’m glad.