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The Day The Super Bowl Ads Hated Women

Posted on | February 7, 2010 | 5 Comments

Three, count ‘em, three companies made a point of reminding all the dudes watching how awful it is to be forced, FORCED, to spend time with women. Let’s compare, shall we?

1. Dodge Charger: For When You Hate Your Wife, and the Life You Have Because of Her!

A subtle reminder of some Very Important Truths For Men About Marriage that TV will not let us forget!

  1. Women make you do things you don’t want to do! Like having a job, and not living in your own filth.
  2. The only hatred more powerful than yours for women is that of women for you. And your friends.
  3. Considering the above, you should certainly stay married.
  4. Buying a shitty car that’ll fall mostly apart in three years will grant you a momentary respite from the volcanic hellscape that is every waking moment of your horrific life.

2. Some Stupid-Ass Portable TV: Now, Watch TV While You Do Things Your Stupid Girlfriend Makes You Do!

I can not for the life of me remember the product’s name or find the clip anywhere, which is probably just as well. Basically a narrator appears onscreen and berates some dipshit for letting his girlfriend drag him around shopping instead of watching a football game. The basic idea seems to be that you should buy this product so as to lessen the pain of your shitty relationship by constantly watching television rather than calmly and rationally expressing the fact that you’d rather not go clothes shopping with your significant other.

Remember, man-boys: Do not communicate your needs. Because that is for fags.

3. Wife < Tires

By comparison, this one is almost uplifting. In an alternate dystopian future, a man whom we don’t see mishears a threat from a roadblock of criminals and forcibly ejects his wife from the car, does a 180, then speeds off, leaving her to a fate that one who’s seen Mad Max might think is not unlikely to include some form of sex slavery.

Because she’s not a set of tires, see. See? She’s not tires. Tires are important.

This was The Day The Super Bowl Ads Hated Women.

Category: Existential Horror, NaBloPoMo, Stuff
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Comments

5 Responses to “The Day The Super Bowl Ads Hated Women”

  1. bluesleepy
    February 8th, 2010 @ 8:18 am

    I’m pretty sure the second ad in question was for FloTV. I was pretty offended by the first commercial, and my eyebrow was raised so far on my forehead that I’m pretty sure it disappeared into my hairline. But it’s a popular thing to have men appear in the media as whipped individuals. Even the tv shows have men being bossed around by women because they are, after all, just one of the kids. I for one am tired of it. I know too many strong men to believe that crap.

  2. briantologist
    February 8th, 2010 @ 9:08 am

    Oh my god, seriously. It’s like the entirety of the media exists to keep these dumb-fuck ideas going — these ideas that exist almost entirely in the media, from what I can tell. Dad’s an idiot! Mom thinks he’s one of the children! Dad hates his life because he has to act like an adult! Screw that.

  3. Nichole
    February 8th, 2010 @ 9:20 am

    if I weren’t so busy thinking of new ways to emasculate my husband, I’d come up with something to say other than: “Dude, seriously. What was up with that?”

  4. Amglolz
    February 8th, 2010 @ 9:55 am

    I think next year they will just show men getting kicked in the balls by women for four hours. There might be some product placement in the background.

  5. Miz H
    February 25th, 2010 @ 2:32 pm

    The FloTV one is confusing. So…going with a woman you presumably have sex with to buy sexy underwear with which to better arouse you for the aforementioned sex-having process is gay, whereas watching a bunch of sweaty men in tight pants jump on top of each other is manly? What’d I miss?

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