byrneunit

I rarely know what you’re talking about.

The Day Henry Had a Million-Dollar Idea.

Henry: Okay, how about this! It’s a chocolate bar, and when you rub it on your skin, it makes you stay alive forever!
Me: (silently nodding in agreement, secure in the knowledge we do not have to worry about saving for retirement.)
I mean, seriously, think about this.

Who doesn’t love chocolate?
Who doesn’t love immortality?

To those who discount [...]

The Day I Saw an Ad That Was Awesome.

“I’m on a horse.”

The Day I Read a Really Terrific Story.

Apparently it’s been making the round on the Internets of late, but I read this story about Roger Ebert for the first time today and it moved me in a way I have trouble fully expressing. I love reading about him and his wife, and how they are when they’re together after decades of marriage. [...]

The Day I Saw a Major Award

I saw this in the window of the apartment building across from the coffee shop about 45 minutes ago, and it’s been making me chuckle ever since.
That’s right, people. This is A Major Award.
I love this town.

The Day We Got a Break.

When I woke up this morning there was none of the usual drone from Nick Jr. in the living room. Only what sounded like a semi-serious conversation from behind Henry’s bedroom door between him and the girl who lives upstairs. She’s two years older than him; her brother is two years older than her, and [...]

the things you find out.

So here’s something I came across in the past year and a half and didn’t bother telling anyone about. I had a temp job this spring proofreading grocery circulars, as sadly that’s become one of my areas of expertise. Catercorner from the building I worked in for a few weeks was this strange little building, [...]

distillery

I know this is old-ish news, but it’s been recurring to me so many times that I feel the need to talk about it. It keeps roiling around in my head because it’s without a doubt one of the most humorously perfect headlines I’ve ever heard:
Sham-Wow Guy Arrested For Punching Hooker in the Face
I don’t [...]

Farewell, Hair Guy.

Ladies and gentlemen, the man who truly made me realize that the truly scummy come in both red and blue leisure suits; the man with the hair of a fundamentally untrustworthy human being; the man who’s apparently on tape saying “I’ve got a fucking gold mine here, and I’m not gonna let it go for [...]

Liveblog: The Chicago Thanksgiving Day Parade

People, I don’t have the space or time to properly list what I love about this city. But one of them is that we’ve got our own goddamn Thanksgiving Day Parade, and it’s a magnificent mix of big-city production values, local-news dorkiness, and genuine small-down WTF. I’m starting late, but this is our day morning, [...]

winner

I have the genius Witt to thank for introducing me to the Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal, one of the funniest comics I’ve read in years. Not just the following panel, but the whole thing. I can’t say anything about it that it can’t show you more effectively; simply follow the link to hilarity.

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