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    • Poop Jokes

    “Look, what am I supposed to do here?”

    Thursday, June 22nd, 2006

    There’s a woman in the neighborhood who’s always walking a pair of wiener dogs. Yesterday I saw one of them taking a wiener dog dump, and you know that look dogs get on their faces when they’re taking a dump in public? The one where it’s suddenly clear that they are acutely aware of the [...]

    A Letter From Home

    Thursday, March 10th, 2005

    The following is an excerpt from an e-mail I wrote my sister this morning; midway through, it occurred to me I should probably share it with you fine people as well. I should note here, by way of explaining the first line, that my sister is most of the way to becoming a Doctor. The [...]

    Continuance

    Tuesday, March 8th, 2005

    I’d like to tell you this peeing chimpanzee wasn’t the first thing we saw at the zoo Sunday. Though with the kinds of stories I’m given to telling, I’m not even sure I believe myself when I say that. I would, however, like to tell you I’m done putting together a zoo slideshow. I cannot, [...]

    Huhuh.

    Thursday, May 20th, 2004

    I opened up the sports page yesterday, and there at the top of the page, in 2,231-point type, was the following: Okay, okay, I know it’s his nickname and all, but people, come on. I speak from experience here: When you’re writing headlines at a newspaper, things happen to your sanity. You start looking for [...]