“—wading into the snake-infested floodwaters.”

There are any number of arguments against Facebook, many of which I subscribe to myself.

But when a website offers you the phrase “Mailman shitting in someone’s yard” and gives you the option of clicking a “Like” button underneath it, it’s hard to call that anything but a win for America.

You’re welcome.

(extra wonderful props to Laurel for this.)

HENRY: Well ... Guess whose pants these used to be?

Here’s the thing: I’m not blaming the fact that I’ve been slipping gradually into being a shuffling nonentity on my lack of writing here. Really more on my lack of writing in general.

Something always bugged me about this website before, though: I was plagued by a general sense of purposelessness. That is, I didn’t have a clear idea of what it was I was trying to accomplish here. Record thoughts for posterity? That’s none of anybody else’s goddamn business, frankly, and there’s more than enough of that shit sitting around the Internet as it is. Change the world? Shut the fuck up. Vent? See previous two responses; combine.

So the new rule is this: Funny shit only. I like this plan, and I’m excited to be a part of it.

Look, here’s the thing: Keeping this site was fun for a long time, and I think some good stuff has definitely come out of it. We’ve made friends with some terrific people, and that’s by far the best by-product.

But clearly it’s just not doing anything for me anymore. It hasn’t been doing anything for Erin for several years, which is why she called it a day long ago.

So I’m hanging it up. Life is short, and while it somewhat pains me to state it outright, more often than not, I wrote here when I didn’t have anything in particular to say. Writing like that doesn’t make you a better writer. It gives you something to halfheartedly point to when you’re trying to make yourself feel better about your own lack of productivity. I’ve been fucking around for far too long, and I sure as hell am not getting any younger. So it’s nothing personal, but I’m gonna use my words a little more carefully, and for a purpose.

But!

I’ve started writing at This Land, a web site about Oklahoma life, which is funny since I haven’t lived there for four years and don’t plan on returning. I’m enjoying it so far. Perhaps if you go there and read, you will enjoy it too.

Sayonara, persons. Thanks to you all.

Me: (silently nodding in agreement, secure in the knowledge we do not have to worry about saving for retirement.)

I mean, seriously, think about this.

1. Who doesn’t love chocolate?
2. Who doesn’t love immortality?

To those who discount the public school system I say piffle.

Me: “You’re really good.”

Henry: “I trained.”

“I’m on a horse.”

It’s just an incredibly fucking well-written story, is what I’m getting at here, and the bonus is that Esquire links to Ebert’s response (also good) and a profile Ebert wrote of Lee Marvin in 1970 that Ebert considers among his best work (it is). I am now compelled to read Chris Jones’s other stuff from Esquire; if it’s a tenth as good, it’ll be worth looking into.